After-SPM Plans

Finally there's time for me to spam the keys! (nah I was just lazy)

To most of the 98's in my country, the hurricane seems to have settled down for them. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO SCREAM AROUND THE HALL LIKE YOU WON THE LOTTERY! Oh why you ask? 'CAUSE I STILL HAVE AN EXTRA SUB, PRICKS.

Snape is awesome btw I still can't get over his death x.

Okay my bad, sorry for the rage.

Moving on, since my head couldn't resist the thought that SPM is over (soon), I've already began to plan my after-SPM schedule for the past weeks. And by plan, I mean real plans without the goofing & gaffing. In our imaginative, creative & wild minds, there're just so many things blurred onto our bucket list that sometimes if you storm a little deeper, some dreams aren't even realistic at all. Somehow I've always managed to keep my plans clear & real since I was a kid as I'm an individual who compares the real & unreal way too much. Like I fully disagree with fictitious ambitions without laying out a tough path of grueling obstacles to build experience & achievements. Don't get my words wrong though, I do have pretty far fetched ambitions like becoming a full time YouTuber & working in the film industry, but it IS possible for me to achieve them with the correct road & mindset, which is drafting & executing the plans needed to reach the finish line. Here's an example of people I loathe: People who wants to be a YouTuber but constantly give excuses for not being able to create a channel/upload content regularly. With such behaviorism, trust me but you're getting nowhere in years. It's not about making things perfect, but trying's the first step! I'm not trying to brag or whatsoever, but I at least try to keep my videos uploaded at a weekly basis & do constantly brainstorm for creative ideas. Thus, this also leads to another after-SPM plan you'll read below!

After I'm done with EST next Tuesday, one of the first things I'll do is pick up driving lessons. Does it sound terrifying to you? Because controlling a fast-moving object with only pedals & a driving wheel freaks the hell out of me. In the meantime, I'll get a part-time job for two months before the college life shoots in (excited!). Becoming a barista in Starbucks was always a tiny dream of mine, I had sent in my application, but I'm kinda underage (still below 18) so it's a 50/50 chance I might get the gig. Besides that, I'll still be involved in a few Scout activities during the holidays & might apply for a Scouter position if I can cope my college studies with its commitment, although I doubt I'll be able to apply as the course I'm going for is quite an all-around which tends to need more time & dedication in order to score in all subjects. Not just that, a second YouTube Channel is on its way soon! It's where I'll upload comedy, short films & vlogs weekly so it doesn't mix with the music/animation channel.

The most exhilarating part for me is planning & applying for college! The course I really really really want to go for is the American Degree Transfer Program (Communications Major) in Sunway College. In overall, it is a course that not only tackles the subject I'm about to major, but it contains a lot of minors that are selectable such as psychology, environmental studies, natural science & so much more. Basically, it's similar to high school where I'll have tons of subjects including the one I major to study for, therefore it's a course that needs full concentration & smart studying techniques to notch. If you question me, why major Communications rather than Film if my dream is to work in the film industry? I'll leave that interesting topic to another future blog post as there's quite an amount to explain. This programme is also high in cost which is a huge worry for my parents & I as there are so many subjects & I'll be spending a year or so in the states (2 yrs here, 1 year there). Hence, if I get the chance to pursue this dream course I'll need to secure my future platform, I'll definitely go all in & never loose a muscle.

Yup, that's about it on my REAL after-SPM plans I suppose! There are surely other things I have on the list, but these are the prioritised ones I'm either excited about (college!) or having to do so (driving, for example). What are your after-SPM/holiday plans? Feel free to let me know in the comments below!

#spmday10 #biology

Tiny piece of advice, focus on being productive than being busy!

See you soon, Alanis xx.

Young Millionaires

Hey peeps! How did the week went? Ah it felt like months to me, but the weekend was great!

So I had just attended a 2 day 'Young Millionaire' course hosted by the best selling author Dato' Joey Yap. Hmm how did it went you ask? I would say that it was best Saturday I invested my time & money in. Not just I got myself inspired much, but it sort of woke me up in many ways. An alarm reminder I needed since I own a dream.

Throughout the course, I slowly realised that I'm a kid who owns many talents & skills, but I'm just lying on my beanbag waiting for them talents to shine on its own. Not just waiting, but the platform for the shining process is not even present. Yup I definitely am growing my YouTube channel by shovelling them talents there, but currently it only acts as an ordinary hobby that wouldn't get me anywhere if I only continue to just post content whenever I caught myself in boredom. Addition to that, it's freaking YouTube & Blogger, man. How high are the chances I could succeed in making a life being a YouTuber if I just post instrumental covers & animations like most people around me do better? Want to become a Young Millionaire, Alanis? Then I gotta start working on the extraordinary.

Dato' Joey Yap's life story was pretty cool too. Able to make huge bucks in the college/uni years was awe-inspiring enough for me, kinda reminds me of making a few hundreds out of selling comics during my early high school life. What a fun time it was. Speaking bout them comics, I should probably publish the new one sitting on my desk, still raw & jumbled in order if I desire compel to begin my path to becoming a YM.

Nope, don't you dare question me about SPM. Screw that shit.

Snapshot with Dato' Joey Yap :)

Saturday invested well.

Lastly, thank you lots to Dato' Joey Yap for hosting such a motivating & enkindling programme! All the best in life & enjoy doing the stuff you love.

Cheers, Alanis xx.

Beats Before Talent

Memories pulled me back to when I was five, I remember randomly hitting objects with stationaries such as pencils and crayons because I feel like to. Annoyance was the term teachers and adults pinned on me besides weird and noisy. But the truth is, I don't know why. Why are my knuckles always hungry to knock, why are my fingers so playful to play the piano even when the keys aren't present. Mom & dad used to say it's a bad habit of mine that I need to get rid of, which I found hard to understand back then. How is knocking objects a negative addiction?

Question marks continue to hunt my immature mind when I hopped onto elementary school. As usual, I drum my desk with out-of-ink pens or sometimes fingers when I wasn't aware of my physical side. Students dislike my company in class because of the distractions I create. Of course I felt down for some time, but I was pretty fine with such an unexplainable habit of mine. At least it's better than grinding my teeth that produces a sandy resonance, which I told no one before.

Things began to clear its rainy clouds above my head when I got enrolled into high school. My addiction sort of 'improved' through years of heedless practice I perform everywhere I went. Soon, my beats got noticed by a true friend of mine. She referred my convention as a talent which gently blown my mind away. During the time, I discovered an amazing musical expertise from my classmate. As you guessed (or not), it's a thing named "Pen Tapping", which is creating fruitful beats by only one or two pens on a desk. I was staggered by such a rare informal performance my friend played in class and decided to get my itchy hands on it. With a month, Pen Tapping was a flair I could include in my casual application.

Yup, just two pens & a desk.

Very unexpectedly, this stage of mine became my main spotlight of my YouTube channel. My first cover went viral within the humans I know in days. Subscribers click the button more for pens than piano, proving that something I learnt in a month was attractive than a skill I took years to master. I admit I feel down sometimes watching my piano covers lose gas while on their way shooting to the stars, but a long lost invincible spark managed to drag me back on stage. 

I never knew my randomness in knocking solid objects could turn into my spotlight till now.

The focal message I want to send to you all amazing humans is real simple: Everyone owns a talent that allows each of us to shine in our own unique ways. Hidden or not, never give up on cultivating it even if you may meet harsh barriers on your hilly journey. 'Cause trust me, you're going to need that talent with you one day in order to permanently frame that cheeky smile on your face.

Meow. (Yup this cheeky smile)

Subscriber or not, thank you for the support on YouTube from the bottom of my heart. ;) 

15 Dots of my Bucket List

"You know all those things you've always wanted to do? You should go do them."

Was I yawning or roaring again?

Here are 15 tiny but mighty dots of my current bucket list. :)


1. Travel all around the world. Backpacking would be a fitting challenge!

2. Master culinary art, earn the title of Top Chef & hold the chance to meet my favourite chefs (Guy, Kristen Kish, Cat Cora etc).

3. Deserve my own YouTube Partner Reward of getting 100K Subs (silver) and 1M Subs (gold)!

4. Receive an invitation to a really cool YouTube Collaboration. (YT Rewind!)

5. Keep my hair real long then flare it up with gentle red highlights. Mmmm.

6. Own 4 kids named Logan, Danielle, Zoey & Asher.

7. Have a collection of my favourite fashion assets: Hoodies, Snapbacks, Sneakers...

8. Open a restaurant of a combination of my two favourite cuisines, French & Mexican.

9. If possible, get a double degree of fine culinary & creative directing.

10. Meet Ed Sheeran & let the inspiring artist sign my guitar with colourful sharpies.

11. Rule the guitar like Sungha Jung & expert drums till I could play by ear.

12. Learn to fluently speak & write French & German.

13. Get fit & toned, I suppose? (Nah this one's a must.)

14. Adopt a puppy / a few puppies! (Husky, Beagle, Akita, Shiba Inu..)

15. Learn Kickboxing & Parkour like a boss. Hmm I'm actually serious about it heh.

Stars on my head, I suppose?

Hope you had a beautiful day!

Alanis xx.

Cfn 2015

Here's a scene of the event's BOD.

Qianrou - 4 years Cfn buddy. <3

I actually don't know what to start off with. To be honest, satisfaction isn't even included in it.


Screw the plot I'm not even in the mood to list out the stuff I went through in details, but it was a heck of awfully grey clouds I once threw in my letter of departure just to not let myself collide into that sight again. Imagine something I would die just so I wouldn't need to witness it happen in front of my empty eyes again. And it's heart-tearing to say this, but yes, it's happening again. The crap I used to cry in bed every single night as I didn't stand a chance to be in control of things, it's reliving history with a whole new level.

Now it sucks even more as my blog can't act as my smoke vent anymore as it's invaded with humans who shouldn't be knowing all the shit that's mashing up my life. Obvious enough, I'm not really in a role where I could explode whenever I feel like to or wherever I want to. My depression set to drain my thoughts in the morning hours only worsen things at the most incorrect time. It sawed me open in gory when the person whom stands on the fitting capability that offered real help became the main source of this repeating tornado. Admitting my current vulnerability, I cried nights & currently do so as I don't see a math equation that's able to fix this soul-fracturing drawback.

What's so dolorous that made words unfindable to express my unseeable tears? How can I even unleash the truth when the people around me also play a character of cause? How can I explain my dignity shattered into fine sand, mental persistence no longer hanging on the edgy cliff when there's not even one there with all ears in? Maybe I really am so odious I shouldn't be surprised seeing no shadows nearby to listen, maybe I'm just an idiot suffering with severe depression who can't face the mirror to obtain real help & instead lie dead on my desk every single day, smile so I could inspire people who look up to me, laugh like Mad Hatter so people think I'm okay. The strong cover I used to hold with feeble grips will soon be blustered off by the hurricane of realisation, it only matters on time.

To the man whom I once believed you could lend me an opaque helping grasp, I thought you knew what it feels like being in my shoes. I thought you knew how painful it is to witness out-of-control happenings slapping your face repeatedly with no mercy. Yet you're throwing such a scene straight into my eyes, like reflecting sunlight directly onto a Vampire's face. I don't what else to say, but thanks for breaking me till the point I am today. I probably seem as if I don't need support as I appear to have this lionheart-cover on me with my boycut & stained army tag, but you're furiously hitting the wrong keys this time. Overpolishing the sensitivity of another person for the reason she's not as strong as me only ships things closer to the iceberg of Titanic.

I'm sorry for being such a weakling, if that's what you crave to hear.

The Wonderland of Mine

"Good Night, daddy. See you tomorrow." I spoke with a soft voice towards my marble door, watching daddy's shadow disappear.

Hmm, a day spent well at cozy home, I though. Basic freedom, breezy sunlight, a kitchen to mess up with my still-in-practice culinary skills. Although it's a little sad being alone, at least I could be myself. Doesn't it feel extremely comfortable being so? Even though if I'm put through tough conditions, or even death, at least it's the real me on my cover. And that's all I ask for, a space to be myself.

Soon before I realised, my exhausted mind dozed off with my midnight thoughts as its lullaby. Across this dot, my souls has traveled into another dimension which its existence unknown. Only I can figure out the answer, but without an answer to search for. Confusing, ain't it? Well, people call them "dreams" or so. If I doesn't make you grin, then "nightmare"is its name. As what I prefer it to be named, "Wonderland". Inspired by Lewis Carroll. Finally, it sounds fair and mystical, good and bad combined into such a wonderful term. But the wonderland of mine ain't worth a smile at all.

"Tick-tock-tick-tock-ringggg....." a familiar sound woke my soul lying in another girl's body. As what it felt I was programmed to perform, I stood up and proceed to clean myself and get dressed. The first image that gave me a shiver was my uniform, hinting me that I was heading to an accident. Oatmeal for breakfast later, I sat my dad's car to what I call "Institution of Hell", as it was the only venue I was permanently coded to be someone else.

First step over hell's boundary, I could already feel the thickness of the air that caused me ill. The people around me, friends, rivals, unknowns, all made me felt lifeless in seconds. The inner me walked with an old man's stick while my cover seemed totally alright. Feared for conversations, I forced myself to sleep in the room I was ordered to be in. Oh, my internal soul, I meant. From the exposed, I looked like I was daydreaming through the rusted walls. Not even half a day was history yet.

During the break which I preferred as "Torture of Crowds", my coded self went to greet humans I envy. The hatred towards myself grew as there was no one else to blame except for me. Fortunately, I had control to get myself food so I could much my bites at a snail pace to prevent involving myself into any kind of chatter. My inner self teared up at this point, dying to wake up from this terrifying wonderland. Of course, a classical pinch stopped working since year 1865.

Back in our miserable boxes of erudition, my stopwatch was the one and only sight my eyes locked on. My traumatic brain calculated time to rain a drop of hope for my internal soul. Humans walk, run by my opaque body as if I wasn't an existence. Ignorance never tried itself as I guessed its outcome of waving hello. Sprawling on my dusty desk like a corpse left floating on the ocean, I ponder about why was this nightmare-ish wonderland fated on me, why wouldn't it accept a twist and just let myself be free for once. My rage grew but coding did its working numbing my unapparent feelings.

"Dear sun, you can rise anytime now." I begged in thoughts.

After what it felt like days, my real daddy snapped me out from a land I would die to never return. He informed me to get ready for a picnic by nine. I questioned him about school as the day's mad Monday, he answered, "Silly, yesterday was just Friday! Are you that eager for school, Alanis?"

And the cycle goes on.

Was that even a dream?

Levels of Aspiration

I hold a soul craving to shine

As everyone around laughed while watching me twine

Lying like death ain't gonna help so why whine

My bold painful fist lifted me up to find what's mine

I began to draw life that exists in my joy

Wild imaginations I opened and deployed

Soon people around me noticed and enjoyed

Something they would read all day without being cloyed

Few weeks later I spread the muse

Music's my spark like feet and shoes

Piano, once a chained-on torturing fuse

Became none but my emotional abuse

Rhythm and beats are somehow my thing

So hidden I never noticed till my friend taught a fling

Thanks to him as it woke me up like a bee sting

It turned into an unexpected specialty I could wing

Confidence then risked myself a bet in red

Youtube it is, which I'm glad I went ahead

A thousand subscribers, rising and never dead

The dream I worked to chase, finally revealing its bed.

Chase your dreams.

- Inspired by real life events I went through. -

A.A.T.S.

All above the stars
Kept my hopes ajar
It lies in space so far
Where dreams and futures are

I slept in quiet snow
While working hard below
Cause a bow without an arrow
Presents nothing but a show

We strike and charge by dawn
Before white blood is drawn
So don't lay down and yawn
Why put your soul to pawn

Loyal, strong-willed cries
Made when its soulmate dies
The lion shall be I
Who avenge unfair goodbyes

The last call is plain sight
Nothing but empty might
Voice only promised light
And perform by tonight

Stars, stars everywhere.

- Inspired by my blog title -

Back To Comics

Few days ago I have no idea why, but I started to think about my future, my careers & grown up stuff. Weird. And I look at my friends, most of them had their future perfectly planned, their grades are terribly good & all. Me? Sitting on the couch all day, snacking snicker bars & stuck myself with my macbook, not even knowing what am I searching for. Yup I needa go get Mr. Productivity back.

When I was in my first year in high school, I drew & sold comics to my friends. Unexpectedly it was a great hit, I earned 150 bucks for each episode (I sold 3). Suddenly I got bored of it & I stopped, even leaving a 'to be continued' story from episode 3 in the middle of nowhere. Sorry to those who waited!

Well, I'm now starting to draw them again (Yayyyy) but this time it's gonna be a little different. Ditching the long kiddy fantasy tales, I heading for short comics. You know, the four-boxes-kind-of type. It took some time for inspirations to get to me, but surprisingly it's doing fine so far. :)

Unfinished comics with sketches.

Finished comics!

My draft book (I bring it with me wherever I go so I won't miss the chance when inspiration hits me!)

So that's basically how my comics are done. It's definitely time-consuming, but seeing the outcome of it is one of the best feelings ever! After I finished quite a number of them I'll start selling them again, hoping for the best! Comment if you want the comics posted here, no worries I'm fine by that! (Depends on the amount of demands I receive) :P

Dreams Upon The Sky

When I was a kid, I used to think that stars are dreams floating above the skies. When a dream is achieved, a star blinks & disappears. I don't know where I got this idea about stars, but it was in my head all the time.

Hey there! The name's Alanis, 16 & screwing up my first blog with my weird attraction to stars. Yup I love stars, cuz they are the ones who kept me company when I was a kid. Every night I couldn't sleep, I would look out the window, amaze my eyes with the millions of stars that covered the deep dark sky. For some reason I feel inspired by their uniqueness, it makes me feel less alone.

Not what you expected, I'm just a tiny insecure kid hiding in the shadows, kinda living in my own world, trying to work things out myself. Ain't that popular kid or that smart ass who aces every test, but just that lone kid. But somehow I'm pretty cool with things I'm good at. Music, drawing, stuff like that, and that makes me not that "hidden" after all. Interesting personality, I would say.

So why I started a blog? Was finding a place to hammer down my feelings that are hard to be said, also a place to jot down interesting chapters about my life. Well I hope it'll be an amazing journey, also hoping to get different opinions from you guys out there. A warm new beginning to me. :)

"There is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars." - John Green