The Fox Among The Wolves

I'm a fox among the wolves
Coated in brown instead of bold grey
Obvious stand-out, but not in a fine way
"Be gone, you don't belong here", others say

I'm a fox among the wolves
Praised for bravery not, but my sneaky spot
To unravel misthoughts, I whole heartedly fought
But still others code me as a lazy donut

I'm a fox among the wolves
While the rest hunt, they said I steal food
Little others know, pry in pack's not my mood
Because solo's my flair, independence or I'm skewed

I'm a fox among the wolves
Surrounded by claws, harshly played are my days
I promise soon enough, you'll witness a mockingjay
Roaring for justice, naming my quote 'hooray'

I'm a fox among the wolves
Difference's ain't gravity but motivating stone
Distinctive colour brings out my inner hone
Yes, here I am, the fox who owns the throne.

That flawless stare.

- Inspired by my deep affection for foxes. -

Beats Before Talent

Memories pulled me back to when I was five, I remember randomly hitting objects with stationaries such as pencils and crayons because I feel like to. Annoyance was the term teachers and adults pinned on me besides weird and noisy. But the truth is, I don't know why. Why are my knuckles always hungry to knock, why are my fingers so playful to play the piano even when the keys aren't present. Mom & dad used to say it's a bad habit of mine that I need to get rid of, which I found hard to understand back then. How is knocking objects a negative addiction?

Question marks continue to hunt my immature mind when I hopped onto elementary school. As usual, I drum my desk with out-of-ink pens or sometimes fingers when I wasn't aware of my physical side. Students dislike my company in class because of the distractions I create. Of course I felt down for some time, but I was pretty fine with such an unexplainable habit of mine. At least it's better than grinding my teeth that produces a sandy resonance, which I told no one before.

Things began to clear its rainy clouds above my head when I got enrolled into high school. My addiction sort of 'improved' through years of heedless practice I perform everywhere I went. Soon, my beats got noticed by a true friend of mine. She referred my convention as a talent which gently blown my mind away. During the time, I discovered an amazing musical expertise from my classmate. As you guessed (or not), it's a thing named "Pen Tapping", which is creating fruitful beats by only one or two pens on a desk. I was staggered by such a rare informal performance my friend played in class and decided to get my itchy hands on it. With a month, Pen Tapping was a flair I could include in my casual application.

Yup, just two pens & a desk.

Very unexpectedly, this stage of mine became my main spotlight of my YouTube channel. My first cover went viral within the humans I know in days. Subscribers click the button more for pens than piano, proving that something I learnt in a month was attractive than a skill I took years to master. I admit I feel down sometimes watching my piano covers lose gas while on their way shooting to the stars, but a long lost invincible spark managed to drag me back on stage. 

I never knew my randomness in knocking solid objects could turn into my spotlight till now.

The focal message I want to send to you all amazing humans is real simple: Everyone owns a talent that allows each of us to shine in our own unique ways. Hidden or not, never give up on cultivating it even if you may meet harsh barriers on your hilly journey. 'Cause trust me, you're going to need that talent with you one day in order to permanently frame that cheeky smile on your face.

Meow. (Yup this cheeky smile)

Subscriber or not, thank you for the support on YouTube from the bottom of my heart. ;) 

15 Dots of my Bucket List

"You know all those things you've always wanted to do? You should go do them."

Was I yawning or roaring again?

Here are 15 tiny but mighty dots of my current bucket list. :)


1. Travel all around the world. Backpacking would be a fitting challenge!

2. Master culinary art, earn the title of Top Chef & hold the chance to meet my favourite chefs (Guy, Kristen Kish, Cat Cora etc).

3. Deserve my own YouTube Partner Reward of getting 100K Subs (silver) and 1M Subs (gold)!

4. Receive an invitation to a really cool YouTube Collaboration. (YT Rewind!)

5. Keep my hair real long then flare it up with gentle red highlights. Mmmm.

6. Own 4 kids named Logan, Danielle, Zoey & Asher.

7. Have a collection of my favourite fashion assets: Hoodies, Snapbacks, Sneakers...

8. Open a restaurant of a combination of my two favourite cuisines, French & Mexican.

9. If possible, get a double degree of fine culinary & creative directing.

10. Meet Ed Sheeran & let the inspiring artist sign my guitar with colourful sharpies.

11. Rule the guitar like Sungha Jung & expert drums till I could play by ear.

12. Learn to fluently speak & write French & German.

13. Get fit & toned, I suppose? (Nah this one's a must.)

14. Adopt a puppy / a few puppies! (Husky, Beagle, Akita, Shiba Inu..)

15. Learn Kickboxing & Parkour like a boss. Hmm I'm actually serious about it heh.

Stars on my head, I suppose?

Hope you had a beautiful day!

Alanis xx.

Cfn 2015

Here's a scene of the event's BOD.

Qianrou - 4 years Cfn buddy. <3

I actually don't know what to start off with. To be honest, satisfaction isn't even included in it.


Screw the plot I'm not even in the mood to list out the stuff I went through in details, but it was a heck of awfully grey clouds I once threw in my letter of departure just to not let myself collide into that sight again. Imagine something I would die just so I wouldn't need to witness it happen in front of my empty eyes again. And it's heart-tearing to say this, but yes, it's happening again. The crap I used to cry in bed every single night as I didn't stand a chance to be in control of things, it's reliving history with a whole new level.

Now it sucks even more as my blog can't act as my smoke vent anymore as it's invaded with humans who shouldn't be knowing all the shit that's mashing up my life. Obvious enough, I'm not really in a role where I could explode whenever I feel like to or wherever I want to. My depression set to drain my thoughts in the morning hours only worsen things at the most incorrect time. It sawed me open in gory when the person whom stands on the fitting capability that offered real help became the main source of this repeating tornado. Admitting my current vulnerability, I cried nights & currently do so as I don't see a math equation that's able to fix this soul-fracturing drawback.

What's so dolorous that made words unfindable to express my unseeable tears? How can I even unleash the truth when the people around me also play a character of cause? How can I explain my dignity shattered into fine sand, mental persistence no longer hanging on the edgy cliff when there's not even one there with all ears in? Maybe I really am so odious I shouldn't be surprised seeing no shadows nearby to listen, maybe I'm just an idiot suffering with severe depression who can't face the mirror to obtain real help & instead lie dead on my desk every single day, smile so I could inspire people who look up to me, laugh like Mad Hatter so people think I'm okay. The strong cover I used to hold with feeble grips will soon be blustered off by the hurricane of realisation, it only matters on time.

To the man whom I once believed you could lend me an opaque helping grasp, I thought you knew what it feels like being in my shoes. I thought you knew how painful it is to witness out-of-control happenings slapping your face repeatedly with no mercy. Yet you're throwing such a scene straight into my eyes, like reflecting sunlight directly onto a Vampire's face. I don't what else to say, but thanks for breaking me till the point I am today. I probably seem as if I don't need support as I appear to have this lionheart-cover on me with my boycut & stained army tag, but you're furiously hitting the wrong keys this time. Overpolishing the sensitivity of another person for the reason she's not as strong as me only ships things closer to the iceberg of Titanic.

I'm sorry for being such a weakling, if that's what you crave to hear.

Lights, Camera, Action

Greetings fellow humans!

Today, I had attended a fundraising lunch organised by the Leo Club of SMK Seafield (aka my school), themed Lights, Camera, Action! Wouldn't say I managed to blend into such a formal event as I felt extremely restricted wearing a dress I would only take it out from the wardrobe thrice a year. Well, at least I got a chapter of myself stuck on me, I dug out my guts and wore my pair of stained Converse to a formal event. No heels for me.

Everything went alright I suppose, until things were coming to an end. Lacking performances & having an hour left till the official end time, I got pulled out by the Leo committees to play the piano. Not cool man, not cool. My mind went neurotic laying my fingers onto the keys, fearing the embarrassment I would gain if I screwed up such a ceremonial occasion. Phew, it's finally over. (In case you're wondering, I played See You Again & I See Fire.)

No idea why but Qianrou reminds me of cookie monster. :3

Heyyy Liting!

Feeling soooo out of place.

First ever polaroid!

Extremely grateful to have her as a pal. #Mars <3

What a day! Thanks Seafield Leos for hosting such a memorable event. No regrets!

Converse & Love, Alanis xx.

Japanese Cuisine Favourites

Morning everyone!

As a teen who loves eating & exploring real food, I had tasted lots of different cuisines from all over the world. I wouldn't say I own a favourite one as each cuisine has their own uniqueness in spices and techniques I love, like French has their Bouquet Garni while Chinese uses soy sauce as their main seasoning. Today, I choose to talk about Japanese Cuisine & my favourite creations of this cuisine.


1.  Chirashi Don

If you're a HUGE fan of Sashimi, this is a must to try! Thickly sliced Sashimi generously topped on a bowl of sakura-seasoned Japanese rice. Mmmmm speechless. It's just too beautiful for my eyes & tastebuds I got to appreciate every bite. So shut up & don't talk to me, let me eat. The one I love best is from Tokyo Grill and Sushi in Grand Rapids, MI.

2.  Sukiyaki 

 Ah, a bunch of fresh greens, mushrooms, tofu & glass noodles soaked in a sweet-salty base. Don't forget the beef on the side! Let it swim in the egg dip then gently place it into the hot pot for a few seconds for heat to do its thing. When it's done, dive in and oh, you flew to heaven for a moment there. It's just amazing. 

3. Chasuke

Simple but warmly comforting, Chasuke is Japanese dish made by pouring green tea or dashi over perfectly cooked rice topped with savoury toppings such as salmon flakes, nori & roasted sesame seeds. In my country, I have not found a restaurant that serves this traditional creation, but my family often have this at home as it's easy to make. I usually top mine with dried ume, wasabi-flavoured sesame seeds, nori & bonito flakes. Itadakimasu!

4.  Tamagoyaki

If you're thinking "What? Tamagoyaki? What's so special about grilled eggs?" Then you're plain wrong. People don't know that this famous Japanese creation takes YEARS for a chef to perfect, as what Sushi Master Jiro Ono said. His style of making tamagoyaki is different. He doesn't roll it, instead he flips the whole japanese omelette in a squared pan. Yup, it's as tough as it sounds, but a bite of such beautiful food would melt your heart with its soft sweetness & balanced texture. If you have the cash, book a table at Sukiyabashi Jiro now! You can thank me by booking me a seat then picking up my tab. 

5.  Tonkatsu Ramen 

Not just any ramen, but Menya Musashi's Tonkatsu Ramen! It's creamy, boldy flavoured with pork bones base gifts you a flight to Tokyo. I remember my first time trying this, my tastebud got stoned for a second as I had never had such a mouthwatering ramen in my life. Plus it's authentic! Sadly I only get to eat this once in a few months as I'm currently broke. Well, at least I took a photo with its Master Chef Yamaguchi! Welp where's the photo...

6.  Taiyaki

Yes, this famous Japanese treat shows that I'm an Azuki lover. This fish-shaped cake stuffed with sweet Azuki red bean paste was a part of my childhood. I recall the kid-sized me saving up coins just to get a piece of Taiyaki from an authentic Japanese store. Well, I would say these are worth spending for! Taiyaki are also filled with other common fillings such as chocolate, sweet potato and custard, but it's original version won my heart. 

So here you go, these are my Japanese Cuisine favourites! Now you know what to treat me if you bring me to a Japanese restaurant (or Japan). If you haven't try these delicacies, what are you waiting for? Hit your nearby Japanese restaurant and satisfy your tastebuds! Don't forget to thank me with a treat aites.

Have a good day, and I'll see you then!

さようなら, Alanis xx.

The Wonderland of Mine

"Good Night, daddy. See you tomorrow." I spoke with a soft voice towards my marble door, watching daddy's shadow disappear.

Hmm, a day spent well at cozy home, I though. Basic freedom, breezy sunlight, a kitchen to mess up with my still-in-practice culinary skills. Although it's a little sad being alone, at least I could be myself. Doesn't it feel extremely comfortable being so? Even though if I'm put through tough conditions, or even death, at least it's the real me on my cover. And that's all I ask for, a space to be myself.

Soon before I realised, my exhausted mind dozed off with my midnight thoughts as its lullaby. Across this dot, my souls has traveled into another dimension which its existence unknown. Only I can figure out the answer, but without an answer to search for. Confusing, ain't it? Well, people call them "dreams" or so. If I doesn't make you grin, then "nightmare"is its name. As what I prefer it to be named, "Wonderland". Inspired by Lewis Carroll. Finally, it sounds fair and mystical, good and bad combined into such a wonderful term. But the wonderland of mine ain't worth a smile at all.

"Tick-tock-tick-tock-ringggg....." a familiar sound woke my soul lying in another girl's body. As what it felt I was programmed to perform, I stood up and proceed to clean myself and get dressed. The first image that gave me a shiver was my uniform, hinting me that I was heading to an accident. Oatmeal for breakfast later, I sat my dad's car to what I call "Institution of Hell", as it was the only venue I was permanently coded to be someone else.

First step over hell's boundary, I could already feel the thickness of the air that caused me ill. The people around me, friends, rivals, unknowns, all made me felt lifeless in seconds. The inner me walked with an old man's stick while my cover seemed totally alright. Feared for conversations, I forced myself to sleep in the room I was ordered to be in. Oh, my internal soul, I meant. From the exposed, I looked like I was daydreaming through the rusted walls. Not even half a day was history yet.

During the break which I preferred as "Torture of Crowds", my coded self went to greet humans I envy. The hatred towards myself grew as there was no one else to blame except for me. Fortunately, I had control to get myself food so I could much my bites at a snail pace to prevent involving myself into any kind of chatter. My inner self teared up at this point, dying to wake up from this terrifying wonderland. Of course, a classical pinch stopped working since year 1865.

Back in our miserable boxes of erudition, my stopwatch was the one and only sight my eyes locked on. My traumatic brain calculated time to rain a drop of hope for my internal soul. Humans walk, run by my opaque body as if I wasn't an existence. Ignorance never tried itself as I guessed its outcome of waving hello. Sprawling on my dusty desk like a corpse left floating on the ocean, I ponder about why was this nightmare-ish wonderland fated on me, why wouldn't it accept a twist and just let myself be free for once. My rage grew but coding did its working numbing my unapparent feelings.

"Dear sun, you can rise anytime now." I begged in thoughts.

After what it felt like days, my real daddy snapped me out from a land I would die to never return. He informed me to get ready for a picnic by nine. I questioned him about school as the day's mad Monday, he answered, "Silly, yesterday was just Friday! Are you that eager for school, Alanis?"

And the cycle goes on.

Was that even a dream?