Spring Orientation

New year, new life!

As you may know, my high school life has come to an end (sorta) & it's time for me to hop onto college. It's been about a week ago since I attended my orientation days in Sunway University, and I'm writing this post just a hour before my Journalism class starts. Time definitely flies, I swear. I honestly feel like a 13 year old walking into a class of 20 year olds! Where's the long lost maturity?

Anyways, I'm writing this to sketch about my experience regarding the past week of forcing myself into a new environment, shaking new hands & speaking more proper English. Was I scared, nervous, my inner self crying out loud to end the sessions? 60% yes I would say. As an extroverted introvert who did tried my best to stick with being extro for the day, it was a mild struggle. Like you know, I have the need to project an extro look to the humans as that was how I looked on my 2nd YouTube channel. Welp, it turned out awful as I wasn't convincing at all. There were surprisingly a few awesome people who appear to be as random as I am, thus became really cool buddies! Yup it's tough to find someone who's as arbitrary as I am.

What else to say? Hmm let's pinpoint this topic onto an activity I went through on Day 2. It was some group activity to train our high order thinking skills or some crap. I don't know. Welp, our leader appeared to be as intimidating as fuck, which made me close to dozing off since he won't even listen to other outputs. Despite the leader, the activity itself was poop, causing no one to attend the next session on Day 3 but 8 lonely humans (including me) out of 60. Shockingly, that session was less dull & a little more exciting with the tiny amount of people. Now I think about it, it's actually pretty boring..

To put this into a conclusion, orientation was crap.

Okay it wasn't entirely crap, I met crazy people I'm gleeful to meet like Justin, Tram & a few more. Without these humans, I'd die in class rotting into moss. Oh I guess I'm supposed to attend another orientation for the late spring intake kiddos (which is me) as I'm a UPP student still waiting for my SPM results. Basically I can't sit in classes for credit hours yet without the results that are going to turn out horrible anyway. Let's not think about that & enjoy the 7-week program, aites?

Sometimes the face doesn't say it all.

Have a great week, Alanis xx.

Encadrè | Prom '15

Ello!

Held on December 15, Prom was excitingly fun! I decided to wear a tux-like attire not because I like dressing up as a guy (nope not at all), but I just can't resist the classy tuxedo look, it represents my style in a way. I love dresses but I just can't seem to find the perfect one right before prom. Anyways, I think it's best that I clarify that the stuff I wore are all ladies wear. Yup, it's possible to look as classy as men in ladies wear aites. Screw them stereotypes.

With the lovely weirdos. (Nedd, Michelle, Yan Jing & I)

2/3 of the Makan Gang! By the way, we're scouts.

Although we were lucky to book Table 1 which is the table nearest to the stage, I swear that my ears nearly got blown off by the electric guitar's amplifier. Seriously, who the heck adjusted the amplifier's volume until the guitar covers the vocals? A table full of intolerant critics, we all left the table once the guitarist played & sang for another session. I'm also surprised that there was no Best Dressed award this year, weird don't you think? Nonetheless, it was a great one because of the burning warmth of my buddies & the enjoyment we had. Everything is fun once the team is present!

Trying to be fancy but nope we just can't. #SneakersSquad

Photo booth spam!

See those photo booth strips above? Well, those were EARNED by hard work - standing in line over & over again in high heels. Yup, I was wearing leather boots with heels, startled how most people didn't realise that until I duckwalked around with a cringing face. In overall, prom was a memorable one, what a way to end the high school journey with the people who matters. <3

Don't hesitate to do crazy things, Alanis xx.

Reckless & Stupidity | #SpmDay1

Day 1 of SPM was such a bitch.

It was one of my best Malay essays I ever wrote in life, threw in nine idioms & a poem, great elaboration of points, and guess what - the worst that could happen actually happened.

My essay was off the topic. My first time going off topic, and it decided to occur on SPM.

As the matter of fact, the way I knocked in the realisation was hilarious. Thinking that a word from the question owns a meaning of such, I wrote the 4-page-long text obeying its requirements. Coming out of the hall with a slight grin, Nedd & I proceeded to the library to revise for our next test. There, I flipped open the Malay dictionary to triple-confirm the meaning of that word, shockingly discovering the exact definition of it.

Basically, the question wants us to write about the methods to promote World Peace. 

Well, I scribbled ways to promote our country's peace.

Fucked, am I?

Nedd stared at me hysterically while I began to laugh like a psychopath ready to map its next killing because seriously what else could I do? Start shedding tears, flooding the library? You guys probably know it's not my thing to tear up in public (especially in a library) but I admit, it's tough to hold it in. Malay was a subject I sank my heart into just to understand, furthermore it was a subject I actually 'study' for. Not the brag, deep inside I knew that if my essay was right on track, an A for Malay might not just stay as a dream anymore. And yup, I screwed it up because of my stupidity of blindly believing that I knew the meaning of such word, and confidently chose the risky path instead of a safe but boring one. Definitely learnt my lesson, eh.

In a blink of an eye, I felt my world collapsing. It's impossible to accept the fact that this subject might give me a grade below credit, or even failing it. If I fail, I would have to retake this heartbreaking subject a few months later. If I pass below credit, I would have to take up this subject in college. Worst, I might not even get into the course I aim for if I don't get at least a C for Malay. People around me would find this as not a huge deal that I should move on from, but it hurts because my essay was good. It wouldn't scar so much if I'm usually bad at Malay or I already screwed up the elaborations of the essay in the first place. Trust me, I tried so hard to forget about it so I could focus on the other subjects, but it just couldn't work. I'm not okay at all. It's really something that obstructs me to forgive myself, all because of plain stupidity & my reckless habit with a touch of overconfidence.

Sniffs.

With the objective to draw away my miserable thoughts, (lame) puns & jokes were naturally pulled out from my tongue to spark a laugh or two. Did not expect they would choo in a train of asthmatic guffawing till we barely revised a single thing during the 3 hour break. Deep down, my inner soul was tired of crying. Got a little (unhelpful) kick after Nedd told me that she could see the tearful me under my laughing coat. Somehow, watching my buddy laugh her lungs out cheered me up with a twisted thought of 'at least I'm making someone else happy, ain't I?'. Nope, not heading for some sacrificing-happiness-of-oneself-to-make-others-happy bullshit because that's just attention-craving crap, but I gotta say, seeing someone being joyful because of the jokes I pull out really glues a smile on top of my frown. Genuine smiles, of course - Don't frame it up just so I could sell myself a lie!

Hmm on the bright side, at least I get a short day's break as I'm having English for tomorrow. Hoping for the best for tomorrow, screwing up one favourable subject is already way more than enough for me! Better head off revising a little more idioms for tomorrow's essay, SPM's not something I could excel by the seat of one's pants!


All the best, SPM candidates! Cheers, Alanis xx.

Don't Get Me Wrong, Friend.

Evening ladies & gents! (and puppies & squirrels & jellyfishies) It's been some time since I hit the not-musical-but-alphabetic keys, today shall be granted the day!

Here's an adorable meow to make your day!

The topic for today's article is leaning towards my unspoken preferences about the earthlings around us. Before I began, this post is provoked by a sudden spark of impression which came streaming into my wires, shot up straight into my wakeful head. Know it or not, a friend I have stuck on me for as long as I could remember has been bothering my scrambled thoughts for long. Could say we were close for reasons we must, well honestly I never felt myself being with her. She knows parts of my secrets, lots of time of mine was spent with her, but like I said, we were close for reasons we must. She might even be reading this right now, the continuing words might smash her bruised heart. This time, no one's going to obstruct me with a halt sign, I finally understand a part of myself, and here's my rarely told fondness towards the friends I make.

I heard things, true things from people I trust. Not just that, but with stabbing eyes, looks do explain a person's traits sometimes. To her, it's in year 2015; To me, it's been five years. Few months ago, I sort of hammered her a partial page of my empty feelings towards our strained friendship. Bluntly I said, "Our bond is not going to last. Probably caused by our ruthless past in hidden cloak." Not explaining much, that's what I briefed & since then, we're strolling on the silent edge of our connection. Here's the blast, what I said was very incorrect. Our bond is not breaking off, it never started. Yes I tried passing her the keys to my gate of buddy association, but she's just not the kind I could bear with. Even worse, I own a fear towards people similar to her. A fear of hurting the already hurt spawned from my inconsiderate honesty. Experiences.

If you're reading this, 'her', sorry in advance for my choice of expressions. Here's what you need to stop trying to pick the heavy duty lock of mine (also to shut you up). Your idea of me breaking the relationship deserves a buzzer from X-Factor, furthermore you triggered my loathe towards misunderstandings. It's not because of our competitive past at all, but the explosion when our traits meet. Don't you get it? You're just not able to be the pal I could lend a shoulder to cry on. You're just not fitting to even be the simple friend I could sit in class with. Our basic characteristics, common or not, don't even stand a chance to click. Telling you my problems made me felt worse & regret, the advice you gave made me anxious instead. And I don't blame you, not everyone can get along, that's how you build up BFF & enemy relationships. So I'm begging you, stop trying.

Do you know how stupid you sound when you told my buddy that once I own a true best friend, I could never let anyone in anymore? Bullshit. Here's something to understand, not like the majority, I prefer a small amount of friends who mean the world to me than a huge number of so-called buddies (aka school popularity). Thus, I have the guts to kick unwanted people out of my life, which is what I'm braving towards you once our 'forced-to-shake-hands-contract' is over. Think again, it's a normal phenomenon that happens to everyone! You meet someone, he/she does something which disobeys your liking, you'll definitely stop having conversations with that person, no? I suppose this clearly explains my fear of hurting the already hurt.

<3

To maybe fill up the hole I just dug in hearts of many, the brief statement I would like to release is, the awfully close friends who I click with are the ones who own honesty at first, loyal, logically-supportive and real. Yup I appreciate it when someone runs up to me & shoots opinions/critism into my face. Most of all, it feels amazing when the friend share the same dreams as I, but instead of fighting over rankings & shit, we are able to lift each other up & feel happy for each other's achievements. That's truly something rare for me to find, especially for someone who's terribly competitive in EVERYTHING. The above explains why the bond between Nedd & I is unbreakable no matter how you try to saw the strings. It was not about the tragic incidents, but the person you stand to be.

Have a great week, Alanis xx.

MTV World Stage Malaysia '15

Huge morning to you all lovely humans! Last night was such a blast it felt like I was in some deep hallucination.

From the evident title, you guys probably know where my night was spent yesterday aites! One word to describe it - unbelievable. The crowd was flooding Sunway Lagoon's Surf Beach, music was super invigorating, and the ones who performed were awe-inspiring. To me, I attend this once-a-year music fest to meet Sekai no Owari, Carly Rae Jepsen & Jason Derulo! Oh gosh I don't even know where to start, they were tearing the stage into pieces. Sekai no Owari made me love them more (the piano performance is heart melting I swear), Carly's performance was perfectly executed & her songs were soul-satisfying, Jason Derulo literally stole the show. His dancers were sight-killers my jaw remained open while they did hysterical moves. Plus the songs he chose to present? Yaassss.

Ah, almost forgot to mention the crew that I went with. They were Nedd (of course), her sister Gienne, and Michelle. What a night of our lives we lived. On top of that, we even met cool people during the event - Benjamin Kheng, JinnyBoy & Mark O'Dea! Hmm there were definitely cons too besides the pros, for example the heartless smokers who are doing an excellent job teaming up with Mr. Haze. I don't care if it's a cigarette or an e-vapor, you're still smoking shit in public, godammit.

Tickets for four.

With JinnyBoy!

Sneakers Squad.

Stage from far view.

View from sitting down *pants*.

Chilling in Pyramid after it ended.

Soon after the event came to an end, we had a sleepover in Nedd's house (or slumber party as she would have it). But well, I'm just going to keep this post until here, obeying the title's accent. The crazy sleepover part will have to wait for tomorrow, so stay tuned!

Hope you peeps had a fun Saturday night too!

Rock on, Alanis xx.

Triumph & Bliss

Evening, world! Today was splendid, had so much enjoyment on an exam break day. Would be even delightful to share the glee with you all!

Wondering why an exam break day snapped out of nowhere? Our school's co-curricular awarding ceremony was situated on this 'prominent' day. Why prominent you ask? Teeheehee. We 104th Scouts of Petaling had achieved several winnings in various categories - we'd proudly won the Best Documentation Award, 1st runner up of the Best Notice Board Award, and 1st runner up of the Most Outstanding Uniform Movement Award! Here's the exciting part, we were the only ones to win as many as 3 hampers. What an amazement.

Unit of Council 2014/2015

After the contented yet stodgy event, we finally get to free ourselves from the formalities & the time to go wild arrives. Yup it's going to sound awkwardly witty, but today was the first time Nedd & I got our hands on a monopod. Without a doubt, you could probably imagine how riotous we were as if we were on weed or something worse. Our ally, Yiqian even got dragged into the party. Welp. 

Stealing Nedd's trophy.

Probably the best shot without crap.

Me: Why is it taking so long?

Far shot. 

Confusing blend of disgust & unease.

Psst, we're batman's sidekick.

H. e. y.

Frienship of 5 years & still going.

With the cool monopod featured above, I bet you guys are going to love the vlog that I'm going to film this Saturday; 3 more days to MTV World Stage 2015! My soul for music's already pumped up sky high to watch Jason Derulo & Carly Rae Jepsen perform their hearts out. It even seems impossible to wait for Saturday's arrival! Also, here's last Saturday's vlog if you missed it. 

That's all for today & I'll write to you peeps soon! :)

Cheers, Alanis xx.

Michelle a.k.a. Awkwardos

First glare sent me a quiet kitten
The one who studies hard all autumn
Stunned to bits with my wrong judgement
As she's quite a hipster, never a roman

Random phrases she habitually pops
Trying to make sure the fun never stops
Cute stuff and cats steal her tops
Nugget_Pancake and tons of lolipops

Brofist our way to 'Balalalala'
Bubba Babbu's I to her awesome mama
I suppose we're fated as awkward fellas
Somehow she reminds me of the husky, Mishka

Toothsome craving often we share
Yes, food's a priority only both of us bear
She's one in a million who plays the games fair
A really great friend I would refer too rare

Remember you handed me a meaningful letter?
In case you didn't know, it smiled me like Mad Hatter
Sorry this poem could be done so much better
Hope you love it, you crazy mustache mister!

Awkwardos - Gauche buddies! ;P

- Inspired by the infinite-years-classmate // Big Hero 6 fanmate! -

Desuetude of Friendship

Alright here's the thing, I personally was a kid who believes that without friends by my side, I would go insane being alone (I mean too alone, alone is cool). Well, that thought was one of my first primacies years ago. Guessed it or not, there's always something that snapped, changing my perspective towards the fellow earthlings surrounding me. I would say that the fondness towards my friends changed for good (mostly) as I currently rarely deal with amity dramas that may cause tearful nights & 'I-don't-wanna-go-to-school" days.

If you're wondering what happened, nah I ain't telling you as I have readers who are involved in that awful incident (although I really do own the intention to slap the truth & honest thoughts into their faces so they would bear with guilt forever).

In these few weeks, I'd been experiencing touchy issues regarding friendship which are exhausting to care for. I don't know how to explain, but tiring's the word for it. Imagine if you're already not a friendship kind of person, you're not exactly sensitive to the emotions of your friends, but they kept bugging you, spilling emo thoughts hoping you could dive into their hardship, taking bullets for them. That's what I'm currently experiencing, and trust me, it's not fun being Superman at all. It's like I'm already carrying loads of shit to agonise about, and someone's trying to pull me into their well of darkness. Yes, I'm a caring person (sometimes I care too much), but I'm done with putting myself into people's problems when I already own enough.

To me, not caring much is a piece of cake (sounds evil heh), but drawing myself out of the trouble zone is a pain in the ass. I can't just say "Hey shut it with your problems man, keep them to yourself & rot", eh? Especially when I'm soft-hearted deep inside, it's a tough provocation for me to just leave a friend at the sidewalk, watching him/her wordlessly calling for help while lying lifelessly waiting for the sight of light. Yup what a hysterical rendition, but it's as literally felt as written. Of course, I gave in & fired blind chances to someone who once mattered to me, instead I got tugged multiple times into her dramatic incident, causing myself to revel 'sobful' months. Very not cool experience.

Woooooo.

Humans close to me (except Nedd) may not understand this ineffable harsh side of me, but this's how I truly execute life, how I try to keep the air around me breathable, how I could comfortably accept my doings. A raucous cutback of allies would highly occur, but it's how I roll. 'Cause why throw yourself into other deadfalls when you yourself can't even crawl out of your own trap?


Have a great weekend,

Alanis xx.

Random Selfies of Life

"Capture the moments of life as you can't stop time but freeze a frame with you forever." - Me.

Tuition Shot with the Bestie. <3

How I look when I'm taking a selfie. (Horrid)

Another tuition shot with Nedd!

The typical 'fitting room selfie'.

MTV World Stage 2014's BFF selfie!

Yup in case you didn't realise, I'm a Scout!

'Before my Pixie Cut' Selfie. Welp.

'Gotta take a pic with the trees', said my quirky mind.

Finally, a Gif to spice things up a little (or not). :)

Hope you had an amazing start of July! 

Alanis xx.

Nedd a.k.a. BFF

A lady I wouldn't address
But a tigress in a dress
Her ideas so brave it's a mess
Sadly the shy in her is an ass

Her dimples mark her cool
Which I find not so true
She's so strong like a bull
Strength never used for cruel

Her food choice is my rage
So choosey I'd lock her in a cage
Although we share the same age
I believe she owns a younger page

Her worries settle on almost everything
She needs to keep calm and start singing
Her voice so good four chairs would swing
An imperfectly perfect package to be seen

Alas the down side lies on me
The friend who tried not hard enough to show her the world she foresees
I deeply hope she finds joy & glee
And live her dream like honey & bee.

15 year old cat-smiles. Ah, surely miss those junior times. 

- Not exactly inspired but requested by Nedd herself. :D
  Well, it counts though as she IS an inspiration. (written few months ago) -

Chalice of Air

Imagine being in a state
Unable to feel anything
Rage, sorrow, glee, love
As if emotions never existed in life.

Since the last few hectic months, I've been feeling awfully weird. To describe weird, I don't know how to. Emotions that used to bother me hastily stopped running its track, but trashing me in another worse way my inner army was never prepared for. I feel impossible to deliver what I perceive in heart into expressions. With a harsh saying, I couldn't even feel emotions normally anymore. I'm feeling empty inside.

Of all the different emotions that a person can have, empty is one of the most uncomfortable. To feel empty is to feel incomplete. It’s a feeling of something absent or missing inside of you, of being different, set apart, alone, lacking, numb. To someone who seems strong on the outside, yes it's a very scary experience. With that tigress cover I own, emptiness locked a laugh on my expressions when I'm sobbing deep inside. No matter how much I need to cry in order for me to explode my impurities, to balance my mind, it just won't happen.

A week ago, I attended an informal conference I was looking forward to. Not because of anything special, but I crave to spill the thoughts I long balled in heart. It was something really necessary to spill as it was a similar problem that changed me 3 years ago, unfortunately it's seems to be happening again. My past mistake years ago was that I never managed to say things out, which caused no one to understand my doings since then. I promised myself that I got to face a breakdown if it was needed, because trust me, I really really craved to get my thoughts splattered once and for all, to get rid of that stone in my heart.

But what happened? I didn't say it. I just couldn't do it in the manner I covet.

Worse is that a friend of mine stood up & fought justice for me, resulting her the lost of a dear friend. Blame's all on me, inducing this problematic I to endure another downhill of messed up sentiment. Of course I expressed her my deepest gratitude with a touch of gravitational guilt, but in the hub, how bleak I would want time to rewind itself so I could stop her from disclosing my moderately-confidential matter in a way I didn't favor. Chiefly, she made me felt remorseful with all the crumpled thoughts in my head, as if I wasn't bearing enough shots before that unwelcomed happening.

Instead of hoping my glass will soon be filled up with sanity, I pray that my glass doesn't possess a crack at its bottom, leaking away efforts of blood.

Alanis xx.

Unpredictable shut downs of lucidity really kills.

(I actually ended this painful write early as I'm starting to sink into vacuity again. Apologies.)

Lights, Camera, Action

Greetings fellow humans!

Today, I had attended a fundraising lunch organised by the Leo Club of SMK Seafield (aka my school), themed Lights, Camera, Action! Wouldn't say I managed to blend into such a formal event as I felt extremely restricted wearing a dress I would only take it out from the wardrobe thrice a year. Well, at least I got a chapter of myself stuck on me, I dug out my guts and wore my pair of stained Converse to a formal event. No heels for me.

Everything went alright I suppose, until things were coming to an end. Lacking performances & having an hour left till the official end time, I got pulled out by the Leo committees to play the piano. Not cool man, not cool. My mind went neurotic laying my fingers onto the keys, fearing the embarrassment I would gain if I screwed up such a ceremonial occasion. Phew, it's finally over. (In case you're wondering, I played See You Again & I See Fire.)

No idea why but Qianrou reminds me of cookie monster. :3

Heyyy Liting!

Feeling soooo out of place.

First ever polaroid!

Extremely grateful to have her as a pal. #Mars <3

What a day! Thanks Seafield Leos for hosting such a memorable event. No regrets!

Converse & Love, Alanis xx.