Spring Orientation

New year, new life!

As you may know, my high school life has come to an end (sorta) & it's time for me to hop onto college. It's been about a week ago since I attended my orientation days in Sunway University, and I'm writing this post just a hour before my Journalism class starts. Time definitely flies, I swear. I honestly feel like a 13 year old walking into a class of 20 year olds! Where's the long lost maturity?

Anyways, I'm writing this to sketch about my experience regarding the past week of forcing myself into a new environment, shaking new hands & speaking more proper English. Was I scared, nervous, my inner self crying out loud to end the sessions? 60% yes I would say. As an extroverted introvert who did tried my best to stick with being extro for the day, it was a mild struggle. Like you know, I have the need to project an extro look to the humans as that was how I looked on my 2nd YouTube channel. Welp, it turned out awful as I wasn't convincing at all. There were surprisingly a few awesome people who appear to be as random as I am, thus became really cool buddies! Yup it's tough to find someone who's as arbitrary as I am.

What else to say? Hmm let's pinpoint this topic onto an activity I went through on Day 2. It was some group activity to train our high order thinking skills or some crap. I don't know. Welp, our leader appeared to be as intimidating as fuck, which made me close to dozing off since he won't even listen to other outputs. Despite the leader, the activity itself was poop, causing no one to attend the next session on Day 3 but 8 lonely humans (including me) out of 60. Shockingly, that session was less dull & a little more exciting with the tiny amount of people. Now I think about it, it's actually pretty boring..

To put this into a conclusion, orientation was crap.

Okay it wasn't entirely crap, I met crazy people I'm gleeful to meet like Justin, Tram & a few more. Without these humans, I'd die in class rotting into moss. Oh I guess I'm supposed to attend another orientation for the late spring intake kiddos (which is me) as I'm a UPP student still waiting for my SPM results. Basically I can't sit in classes for credit hours yet without the results that are going to turn out horrible anyway. Let's not think about that & enjoy the 7-week program, aites?

Sometimes the face doesn't say it all.

Have a great week, Alanis xx.

Breakfast Favourites!

Evening humans, I recently started eating clean (again) as it's still the holidays for me & I have the free time to prep & cook most of my meals. Also as a Tumblr hugger, the scrumptious-looking concoctions never fail to inspire my heart of cooking! Yup, grocery shopping for these healthy bastards did cost me some bucks, but the after-satisfaction tells me that it's worth it. Plus I'm a fruit lover. 

Anyways, I scrolled through BuzzFeed's healthy side & found so many recipes I'd die to try! One of them that knocked me straight onto the head was smoothie bowls. They caught my eye as I was pretty bored of my breakfast routine (simply grabbing biscuits & binging on other shit) and breakfast is the only meal I'm able to prep with no time limit. After going through the list of delicious photos & considering multiple aspects like fruits I can actually afford (example: NOT PEACH), I went with Strawberries 'N' Cream as the grocery mall near my house has a frozen strawberry sale going on & other ingredients can be purchased conveniently. Here's the outcome!

Buzzfeed's 'Strawberries 'N' Cream' Smoothie Bowl.

The toppings I threw onto this icy creation are blueberries, muesli, Greek yogurt & a drizzle of honey. Recipe hereeeee. Although it's kinda hard for my tiny blender to blend up the solid fruits with very little liquid, the result is amazing. The honey makes it sweet enough, all the frozen fruits gave it a firm touch without melting in seconds. Love how the muesli gave it some texture too, that's why it's called a smoothie bowl! 

After a wonderful start of the day, I immediately went to plan for Day 2's morning pill. Of course I could have the same thing, but since dad just bought home some bananas, I decided to create a different smoothie bowl for the next day - Blueberry Banana Smoothie Bowl! Well, it turned out alright, just that I could cut the honey next time as the bananas are already sweet enough.

Blueberry Banana Smoothie Bowl!

Ingredients:

1 medium banana

1 cup of frozen blueberries

1/4 cup of greek yogurt

Few tablespoons of milk (or icy water if you don't have milk)

Toppings (optional):

Blueberries

Sliced bananas

Muesli

Drizzle of honey

Blend together frozen blueberries, banana, greek yogurt. Then place your desired toppings after scooping them into a small bowl! By the way, I only used two thirds of the banana & kept the remaining ones for garnish. Like I said, feel free to cut the honey unless you have a sweet tooth. Have fun making your breakfast exciting!

Have an awesome day, Alanis xx.

241 Days Later

Yup, the scar's still present on my left wrist, only without the spilling blood.

You might remember one remarkable blog post I wrote few months ago as I definitely do. Specifically 241 days ago, I was drowned with dark thoughts in my classroom, wanting to kill myself. And I did try, the blade sunk deep slicing peach flesh, revealing a greenish blue vein inside me. All was remembered well as it was a day that changed me lots. The self-granted drug I sniffed was strong enough to made me let go, to take my first step of freeing myself. I was pissed from slashing that cut, it left me a scar which would stay for eternity. More pissed that ever, people who are fated to care didn't fucking noticed my near death. I constantly ask myself, why should I care when they don't? Obviously it's a stupid question where I should care for them although they don't show the same, but I couldn't stand it anymore - the quarrelling, misunderstandings, unreasonable finger pointing, so much unfair prejudice that once & still holds one of the reasons of why I urged to jump off the 6th floor. 

It's not much, but it's more than enough.

Alright lets take away the point where such 'caring' people didn't seem to help mend me at all, but they don't just leave me drowning, they unfix me. Meaning they fucking screw things to the worse extent I rather disappear from their sight. Rude for me to say such words, but try standing in my shoes, what would you do? Trembling arms not even close to seeking self-help, I'm forced to swim in my scrambled thoughts day by day while staring at mental abusers. I finally opened up to my condition that I needed assistance, yet you restrict me from a lending hand outside of home. Does my situation makes it justifiable to say I feel totally helpless? Because that's what I feel every single day, stuck in my room trying to make things right, at least better. As someone who prefers hiding my own issues from the blissful smiles around me, it feels horrible opening up that I'm not okay, but I understand that I have to, yet what I obtained in return is embarrassment, regret & dreadful taunts.

Hate to say this so much, but I know I'm relapsing & my will's against from fighting it away. For the past few months I try so hard to think positive for real, get blades out of my sight, forgive & forget and so on. I pushed Ana away & gained my pounds back, I placed Harry's invisible cloak on Mia & it has been months since I purged. But the experienced ones knows that once they get to you, they never leave. My saviour Onision slapped it on our face that after all we can do, the only way to solve it is to seek for professional help, which is the one thing I couldn't attain from where I stand. Thanks to him, I officially brought cutting to a halt & I truly hope I don't relapse from cutting again. It was a tough journey, but I managed to loosen my fingers. As for that one senior who made the deal (read old post here), go fuck yourself. I hung onto the deal for your sake, yet you continue to smoke then & now. Could say it ain't surprising you broke the deal by looking at your doubtful face!

I'm writing this out of pain because I have nowhere else to exert my worries, and I apologise if this post didn't make your day brighter. After all, I began to blog as it's my one & only place to write who I am despite the acceptance of others. Hey, doesn't this prove that no one's living a perfect life as what it seems on screen? Just telling you I'm as ordinary as you are, maybe even a little broken inside.

Remember it's just a bad day, not a bad life.

Have a great one, Alanis xx.

Encadrè | Prom '15

Ello!

Held on December 15, Prom was excitingly fun! I decided to wear a tux-like attire not because I like dressing up as a guy (nope not at all), but I just can't resist the classy tuxedo look, it represents my style in a way. I love dresses but I just can't seem to find the perfect one right before prom. Anyways, I think it's best that I clarify that the stuff I wore are all ladies wear. Yup, it's possible to look as classy as men in ladies wear aites. Screw them stereotypes.

With the lovely weirdos. (Nedd, Michelle, Yan Jing & I)

2/3 of the Makan Gang! By the way, we're scouts.

Although we were lucky to book Table 1 which is the table nearest to the stage, I swear that my ears nearly got blown off by the electric guitar's amplifier. Seriously, who the heck adjusted the amplifier's volume until the guitar covers the vocals? A table full of intolerant critics, we all left the table once the guitarist played & sang for another session. I'm also surprised that there was no Best Dressed award this year, weird don't you think? Nonetheless, it was a great one because of the burning warmth of my buddies & the enjoyment we had. Everything is fun once the team is present!

Trying to be fancy but nope we just can't. #SneakersSquad

Photo booth spam!

See those photo booth strips above? Well, those were EARNED by hard work - standing in line over & over again in high heels. Yup, I was wearing leather boots with heels, startled how most people didn't realise that until I duckwalked around with a cringing face. In overall, prom was a memorable one, what a way to end the high school journey with the people who matters. <3

Don't hesitate to do crazy things, Alanis xx.

Soon-To-Be Freshman!

Oh gosh, the speed of time is really intimidating to my snowballing maturity.

What my young heart feels is that I just enrolled into kindergarten yesterday, went for a one day trip with my primary school buddies, water-splashing the birthday student after the bell rang, finishing my first scout camp as a idiot who doesn't know any life surviving skills and the list goes on and on.

And now, I'm just a footstep away from my next milestone - college.

Honestly, that's petrifying. Saying it is a piece of cake; but to act, that's something my mouth would stutter on. Considered that I just went through 5 years of high school which carved me from cave to rock knocked me a huge sense of realisation that I have to begin flourishing my responsibilities & stop arguing over kid shit, but doesn't it seem crazy to us that in a blink of an eye all words are enough said & it's time to face upcoming adulthood? I mean, frankly we're not ready, our age show prove doesn't mean our souls are. Shivering little mouses we are, blimey! Our world is about to get real!

Alright that's enough dramatic mess, let's just toughen up (or at least act like it).

Yup, I'm becoming a freshman soon. 37 days to be exact, as orientation day's on January 20. It's insane because you see, it's a total different level of education system I'm soon dealing with. Immense independence, intraspecific competition, resolute use of creativity, extreme commitment, the hunger to thrive- all these essential qualities in order to achieve success in my next milestone are very easy things to say but difficult things to master. Procrastination won't be our unprofitable drug anymore, but a dream crusher that we must not allow it to linger around. The enemy level between laziness & I would rise sky high. Will I be able to keep my heart beating? I don't even know how to answer that question!

Signed up for ADTP in January intake at Sunway College (majoring in Communication), I would say it's a little nerve-wrecking as I'm not entirely sure of how the journey goes - how do I wisely pick my minors, how do I complete credit hours, how do I act like a normal college student who knows how to get her shit done and so. I really want to ace this college milestone, but I'm not as prepared as the best I can be. Well, I also have to stop fretting about future education while I'm currently being surrounded by a bunch of humans partying on a sleepover night. What on Earth am I doing to enjoy my holidays?!

Better get back to dancing to Troye Sivan's hits & playing board games. Have a super duper exciting holiday aites!


Cheers, Alanis xx.

Flawed Jaws

Everyone has their flaws, and today I chose to talk about the physical ones that can be identified on one's look in a blink of an eye. Mine is something rare that happens in the circle of friends I live in, something that must be explained when one questions. You'd probably noticed as it's pretty obvious, my underbite has been causing many misunderstandings for a while now.

Yup.

Got it from my dad's genes, I was born with an underbite that grew much more obvious throughout my childhood years. Surprisingly, I didn't knew I had it until I was called 'monkey' during my 3rd year in primary school. Staring at the mirror for hours like an insecure teenager, I was wondering - "What's wrong with me? Why do I look different from my friends? Am I really a monkey?" Luckily I wasn't a kid who care much about other people's judgements (or at least during then) thus I happily brushed it off & continue living life. Slowly, I realised it's getting obvious & obvious year by year, and I began to feel my unconfident shivers popping out of my chest. I didn't like it, the look & the nicknames, especially when they are reflected on one's face which is unavoidable to take a glance at everyday.

In high school, noticeable changes are my abnormal smiles, trying to hide the lower lip in but it only show the jaws more. As my teeth are also very untidy with chunks of it growing with different angles, I had one of the worse teeth you can ever have. An often asked question by my school mates was "why don't you go get braces?",  even I thought so too. Until I pulled my parents along to the dentist far away from home to get it checked & inquired more about it, I became aware that my case isn't the usual 'crooked teeth' kind of situation where you just pull out a few teeth & have braces on for years to have it solved. It's an underbite, the only way to fix it is surgery. Freezing that moment, I was terrified of the pain & the huge amount of uncomfortable time I had to go through, but I was so willing to fix it I could agree with whatever treatment as long as the nicknames stopped shooting towards my head.

But the problem is not about the pain, neither the hurting clock ticks, but the cost.

The surgery costed 30 thousand bucks, you see. Adding on the 2-years-braces & getting a few teeth out, the total's around 40k. Insurance couldn't cover a single cent as it's considered as a type of cosmetic surgery, something to improve one's appearance instead of health (but lets talk facts, fixing an underbite does improve teeth health). Staring at my parents' astonishing faces, I knew the answer's no. Went home sobbing in the car, my head was filled with negativity of continuous mocking I had to face all my life. People didn't knew the stuff they say about it actually hurts the hell out of me. Try being called an ape everyday in class, it's not something laughable at all. Friends often misunderstand my mood when they stare at me while I try to pay attention in class, most would think I'm mad as I do look mad, but I was not. Having a resting bitchface all the time is already not helping my life, imagine having an underbite stacked on. Plus it's not something I could possibly hide in any way, something I have to deal with 24/7 in the social space we live in.

The point is, think twice before you start to judge on one's personality or anything. Or don't judge at all & just go home already. I used to be very unconfident about my underbite, but now I'd accepted it as a part of me & I feel okay letting it show its flaws to the world I see. Yes it definitely annoys the hell out of me when people don't get me, but what can you say? A little explanation wouldn't hurt a soul I guess. Would I still have the surgery done in the future when I could afford it? The answer's yes. Hey, it's not because I'm denying my father's genes, but I'd love to see how I look with such a flaw taken away from me, it would be fun shocking the friends who once teased me too (you'll see what you missed hohoho). Anyways, don't look down on the physical flaws you own aites! Embrace it to the fullest, it's a part of you so you gotta be proud of it! Extraordinary always beats the ordinary, don't let it incinerate your social life in any way!

That awkward smile?

I feel you, you feel me, we all are in this journey together. Just be yourself yup!

Wishing you a fun December, Alanis xx.

After-SPM Plans

Finally there's time for me to spam the keys! (nah I was just lazy)

To most of the 98's in my country, the hurricane seems to have settled down for them. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO SCREAM AROUND THE HALL LIKE YOU WON THE LOTTERY! Oh why you ask? 'CAUSE I STILL HAVE AN EXTRA SUB, PRICKS.

Snape is awesome btw I still can't get over his death x.

Okay my bad, sorry for the rage.

Moving on, since my head couldn't resist the thought that SPM is over (soon), I've already began to plan my after-SPM schedule for the past weeks. And by plan, I mean real plans without the goofing & gaffing. In our imaginative, creative & wild minds, there're just so many things blurred onto our bucket list that sometimes if you storm a little deeper, some dreams aren't even realistic at all. Somehow I've always managed to keep my plans clear & real since I was a kid as I'm an individual who compares the real & unreal way too much. Like I fully disagree with fictitious ambitions without laying out a tough path of grueling obstacles to build experience & achievements. Don't get my words wrong though, I do have pretty far fetched ambitions like becoming a full time YouTuber & working in the film industry, but it IS possible for me to achieve them with the correct road & mindset, which is drafting & executing the plans needed to reach the finish line. Here's an example of people I loathe: People who wants to be a YouTuber but constantly give excuses for not being able to create a channel/upload content regularly. With such behaviorism, trust me but you're getting nowhere in years. It's not about making things perfect, but trying's the first step! I'm not trying to brag or whatsoever, but I at least try to keep my videos uploaded at a weekly basis & do constantly brainstorm for creative ideas. Thus, this also leads to another after-SPM plan you'll read below!

After I'm done with EST next Tuesday, one of the first things I'll do is pick up driving lessons. Does it sound terrifying to you? Because controlling a fast-moving object with only pedals & a driving wheel freaks the hell out of me. In the meantime, I'll get a part-time job for two months before the college life shoots in (excited!). Becoming a barista in Starbucks was always a tiny dream of mine, I had sent in my application, but I'm kinda underage (still below 18) so it's a 50/50 chance I might get the gig. Besides that, I'll still be involved in a few Scout activities during the holidays & might apply for a Scouter position if I can cope my college studies with its commitment, although I doubt I'll be able to apply as the course I'm going for is quite an all-around which tends to need more time & dedication in order to score in all subjects. Not just that, a second YouTube Channel is on its way soon! It's where I'll upload comedy, short films & vlogs weekly so it doesn't mix with the music/animation channel.

The most exhilarating part for me is planning & applying for college! The course I really really really want to go for is the American Degree Transfer Program (Communications Major) in Sunway College. In overall, it is a course that not only tackles the subject I'm about to major, but it contains a lot of minors that are selectable such as psychology, environmental studies, natural science & so much more. Basically, it's similar to high school where I'll have tons of subjects including the one I major to study for, therefore it's a course that needs full concentration & smart studying techniques to notch. If you question me, why major Communications rather than Film if my dream is to work in the film industry? I'll leave that interesting topic to another future blog post as there's quite an amount to explain. This programme is also high in cost which is a huge worry for my parents & I as there are so many subjects & I'll be spending a year or so in the states (2 yrs here, 1 year there). Hence, if I get the chance to pursue this dream course I'll need to secure my future platform, I'll definitely go all in & never loose a muscle.

Yup, that's about it on my REAL after-SPM plans I suppose! There are surely other things I have on the list, but these are the prioritised ones I'm either excited about (college!) or having to do so (driving, for example). What are your after-SPM/holiday plans? Feel free to let me know in the comments below!

#spmday10 #biology

Tiny piece of advice, focus on being productive than being busy!

See you soon, Alanis xx.

Trip to America! #PartOne

Many people know that I went to the states during the 2014's year-end school holidays, and most of them questioned me about the trip, how was life there like & so on. Without a clue, I started to realised that I actually didn't take any time off to blog or share this rare experience to the curious ones, especially for someone who used to junk her blog 24/7! 

Well, without further ado, here's a collection of much rather random (and ugly) shots my uncle and I took during my one-month stay in the US.

Flight delayed. (3rd from top)

Flight ticket! 

In the cabin with a bunch of French monsieurs & madames.

See any Malaysians? I DON'T THINK SO. D:

I remember myself going insane when in the morning of 28 November, I realised my flight was departing on the night itself! (I thought it was on 29..) Asking me was it a scary experience? - It was terrifying. For someone who doesn't travel abroad often, it's like swimming in the middle of the ocean. But trust me, once you get over the wanna-pee-your-pants phase, it's all good after that. Just follow the signboards & ask for assistance (also learn a little French), and you'll be fine! The 13-hour flight from Malaysia to Paris was literally a pain in the ass though. Luckily I had the aisle seat or else I had to communicate with authentic French people so I could visit the restroom. Hey, a French girl actually sat on my left & I swear I couldn't understand a single word besides excusez-moi. 

Reached Paris! (Paris De Gaulle Airport)

Had to fill this scary form before heading onboard.

This glaced waffle was delicious! Costed me £1.

Once my plane hit the ground of the chilly Paris, I rushed my way to another terminal to catch my next flight to Chicago. The shuttle bus I took gave me a brief view around the airport, including the foreign plants & scenery my eyes wasn't offered in my birth country. Cool vending machines were everywhere - the waffle above was bought from one of them! Before even able to relax my ass in such a country I adore, passengers of the next flight was called to board the plane.

Airplane snack during the transit flight to Chicago. (Savoury & Sweet)

Reached Chicago O'Hare Airport! My uncle's whole family including my cute cousins came to pick me up (not to mention, I gave my Aunt a pretty good scare). We had dinner at a restaurant opened by Malaysians, visited a grocery store then head to a nearby hotel for an overnight stay. Of course, jet lag kicked in as I spent my snoring times on Pac-Man & Tetris on the plane. Next morning, we head to Chinatown for brunch at Wong Kok's after stuffing myself with bacon & eggs. Before the 3 hour drive back to my Uncle's home in Michigan, we hung out at the long walk near Adler Planetarium where we took pictures of the Chicago View & the Zodiac Statues. To be frank, it was FREEZING cold even my fingers were shivering & 'smoke' breathed out from my mouth while I spoke, but the scenery was just too fascinating I could never afford to miss.

Circle of Animals / Zodiac Statues in Chicago.

Some statue outside the museum. (It's Copernicus I think)

Chicago View aka ignore my ugly face.

Chinatown in Chicago.

Snowy view from the hotel we stayed for a night.

To be continued!

Stay tuned for part two, Alanis xx.

Reckless & Stupidity | #SpmDay1

Day 1 of SPM was such a bitch.

It was one of my best Malay essays I ever wrote in life, threw in nine idioms & a poem, great elaboration of points, and guess what - the worst that could happen actually happened.

My essay was off the topic. My first time going off topic, and it decided to occur on SPM.

As the matter of fact, the way I knocked in the realisation was hilarious. Thinking that a word from the question owns a meaning of such, I wrote the 4-page-long text obeying its requirements. Coming out of the hall with a slight grin, Nedd & I proceeded to the library to revise for our next test. There, I flipped open the Malay dictionary to triple-confirm the meaning of that word, shockingly discovering the exact definition of it.

Basically, the question wants us to write about the methods to promote World Peace. 

Well, I scribbled ways to promote our country's peace.

Fucked, am I?

Nedd stared at me hysterically while I began to laugh like a psychopath ready to map its next killing because seriously what else could I do? Start shedding tears, flooding the library? You guys probably know it's not my thing to tear up in public (especially in a library) but I admit, it's tough to hold it in. Malay was a subject I sank my heart into just to understand, furthermore it was a subject I actually 'study' for. Not the brag, deep inside I knew that if my essay was right on track, an A for Malay might not just stay as a dream anymore. And yup, I screwed it up because of my stupidity of blindly believing that I knew the meaning of such word, and confidently chose the risky path instead of a safe but boring one. Definitely learnt my lesson, eh.

In a blink of an eye, I felt my world collapsing. It's impossible to accept the fact that this subject might give me a grade below credit, or even failing it. If I fail, I would have to retake this heartbreaking subject a few months later. If I pass below credit, I would have to take up this subject in college. Worst, I might not even get into the course I aim for if I don't get at least a C for Malay. People around me would find this as not a huge deal that I should move on from, but it hurts because my essay was good. It wouldn't scar so much if I'm usually bad at Malay or I already screwed up the elaborations of the essay in the first place. Trust me, I tried so hard to forget about it so I could focus on the other subjects, but it just couldn't work. I'm not okay at all. It's really something that obstructs me to forgive myself, all because of plain stupidity & my reckless habit with a touch of overconfidence.

Sniffs.

With the objective to draw away my miserable thoughts, (lame) puns & jokes were naturally pulled out from my tongue to spark a laugh or two. Did not expect they would choo in a train of asthmatic guffawing till we barely revised a single thing during the 3 hour break. Deep down, my inner soul was tired of crying. Got a little (unhelpful) kick after Nedd told me that she could see the tearful me under my laughing coat. Somehow, watching my buddy laugh her lungs out cheered me up with a twisted thought of 'at least I'm making someone else happy, ain't I?'. Nope, not heading for some sacrificing-happiness-of-oneself-to-make-others-happy bullshit because that's just attention-craving crap, but I gotta say, seeing someone being joyful because of the jokes I pull out really glues a smile on top of my frown. Genuine smiles, of course - Don't frame it up just so I could sell myself a lie!

Hmm on the bright side, at least I get a short day's break as I'm having English for tomorrow. Hoping for the best for tomorrow, screwing up one favourable subject is already way more than enough for me! Better head off revising a little more idioms for tomorrow's essay, SPM's not something I could excel by the seat of one's pants!


All the best, SPM candidates! Cheers, Alanis xx.

Mitsui Outlet Park & MAD!

Bonjour! Here's another holiday throwback - let's all rewind time to last Thursday's outing!

Since the weather was terribly hazy during the holidays, the family & I got rather bored from tucking ourselves under blankets spamming movies in the living room. Thus, we planned a day-out from gluing our eyes onto smartphones & head to an indoor mall to unwind ourselves. But it's not just some mall you get to visit everyday, Mitsui Outlet Park was our destination! 35 minutes away from home, we get to invade on-sale branded shops & chomp on fancy food, sounds like a splendid 2-in-1 win.

A few of my favourite stores there are Nike, Superdry, Cotton On & Quicksilver. Well, to be frank, the ongoing sales there aren't exactly jaw-dropping or rarely found. Prices are still somewhat high after 50% discounts. And some shops like Converse lure me in with fetching banners but the price tags are totally same as the ones in luxurious malls. After violently flipping around clothes in various stores, I got myself a pair of patterned shorts from Levi's & a gray Nike SB snapback I fell in love with on first sight. It's impossible for me to understand how my mom managed to bring home numerous shopping bags when I couldn't even try on clothes after looking at them price tags. Eyyy.

Gray Nike SB Snapback - RM69

Levi's Patterned Shorts - RM79

Halfway thought our shopping adventure, we had our late lunch at M.A.D! (aka Modern Asian Diner). It's a fusion restaurant which design's inspired by bohemian & New York, serves a wide selection of Asian & Western eats & the best part for me, its exquisite modern plating. Like really, food that's plated to feed Instagram. Already impressed of its comfortable surrounding, we were served Penne Chicken Arrabiata (got it with Fettuccine instead), Rendang Lamb Shank, Grilled Chicken Chop & other stuff I either forgot or missed its camera moment. Mine was the pasta, it tasted so delicious but I wasn't exactly warned by its spicyness, causing my sore throat to stay a little longer (welp). The lamb was cooked to perfection, chicken chop just stood on the average line. The drink I ordered was a Caramel Macchiato Double, it was much more smoother than the Apple Caramel Latte I had at Coffeezzo the day before. We even called a Mango Cheesecake for dessert! Slightly above average pricing, but everything was worth it!

Front Counter.

Can this be called a chandelier too?

From top: Rendang Lamb Shank, Fettucine Chicken Arrabiata, Grilled Chicken Chop.

Creamy Caramel Macchiato Double.

Yup, how can you not say it's a satisfying outing? Is it weird that I miss the food more than I miss the shops full of trendy clothing? Probably why this second time visiting Mitsui Outlet Park was so much better than our first visit. Foooooood.

Stay safe hiding from the haze, guys!

Thanks for reading, Alanis xx.

Not Okay

Ignore this post if you're expecting an euphoric chapter of my story. Apologies for killing your assumption.

If you're going to ask me how I'm doing, here's a frank answer - I'm not okay. To shut my mouth is what I really want right now, but this enormous urge of mine to erupt my hiding heartache is overpowering my wanting. I don't want to brag neither complain about my shit that cause joyful humans to lose their smile & tear up, so please leave my blog for a second. Like I said, I created this blog also for my own necessity, it acts as my emotion's major egress, aka I'm spilling crap so I could at least breathe better. So for the sake of everybody's mood, delete this tab & go for a walk. Don't want to spoil the day of yours.

Alright, just me here right? Time to reveal the skeleton in the closet (I swear this is hard). I recently relapsed, and it was pretty much in awful shape. The reasons I chose to not tell, but it tumbled me back to day one. Mia befriended I, and I could sense Ana spending a visit soon. Like, really? Even my conscious mind had a clear vision that I was over them. All the gym commitment being frittered away? Gosh it's drowning me. I'm exceedingly tired of whining my crap to the peeps around me, plus to be honest, the feedback I receive sometimes are not the ones I hope to hear. So here I am, writing to chill myself as I have nowhere to punch a hole. Especially when you meet bummers who say such humans just whine for awareness. If you're one of them, go to hell.

Losing 4.5 pounds in 2 days doesn't seem so bad. Let it continue for a month or so, and I'll hit the point below the line. Half of my sense compellingly disagrees with such occurrence, yet the other half unconsciously clicks. If you understand how this bull works, you could probably relate the helpless state I currently float in. What hurts more to know is the response I got from my parents. I don't even bother to find aid anymore after hearing what they spat at me. It's just, stuff that you could never expect blabbering out from your guardians.

"You better not have it (depression). If you do, just leave the fam." There she said it, words that could never be erased. How does the world assume that I could obtain a real helping hand when my nearest & dearest lives fail miserably to accept who am I, or what I've become? Don't even get started with the source. There you guessed it, a source whom couldn't accept its doings. Out of the random, listening to Kodaline's High Hopes while gently spamming the keyboard annihilates my inner being so bad. Yes, grasp onto them high hopes, hopes with insights blurred. Hopes to stop the beeping monitor.

You're still here? What the heck. Just listen & grant me peace aites. I'm just gonna end it here before I continue to ruin your day with gloom. Nights.

After Party Sleepover

Afternoon hey! Time to write part two of Saturday night's enthusiasm, pardon the wait!

Following our arrival to Nedd's house after #WorldStageMy, we took turns rushing our showers as we couldn't afford to waste the time off such a gold dust event. Of course, everyone began to seek for the wifi password because there were so much about the music fest to share! That annoyed Nedd for sure. What was more infuriating to her was after we obtained the password - everyone lied slackly on the bed, tapping on our smartphones vigorously with screen displays of Instagram, Facebook, Twitter etc. Can you imagine our reactions when she ordered us to grab the snacks we just bought downstairs? No one budged a muscle. Nedd was sent to an outburst causing us to leave the room in milliseconds. Scary.

I remember I was starving nuts that the 200g pack of Koko Krunch I purchased was gobbled off in seconds. Ah, that reminds me of having such a satisfying cheat day! Before #WorldStageMy I had a sweet red bean sundae from Milkcow & a cinnamon roll from Coffea Coffee, then a bag of sugary cereal at night. Much yum! Did I lied to myself saying I need them calories to rave my way through the fest? I think so. *smirks* Moving on, we had a game of Uno to buy the night time. Yup just one game, that actually took more than HALF AN HOUR (my bad, I set the rule of only one card can be discarded during each turn despite its same number & colour). Twenty minutes later, everyone stared at me like I'm the headmistress of our school, wanting to stab me in the head. Gienne even fell asleep during the game. I don't even remember who won.

Uno for four!

As presumed, every single one of us cried for bedtime immediately after the horrible Uno game ended. Gienne & Michelle slept on the cozy bed, while Nedd & I conquered the wooden-tiled floor. Obviously, I brought my 7-year slumber pal along - Jibby! (aka my sleeping bag) What's not the expected part was me turning into a caterpillar, creating choky laughters in the room.

Wakakakaka. 

How I look like when I'm playing Crossy Road.

Caterpillar says goodnight.

Next morning, our plan to hang out in the park was umm, terminated by our unable-to-wake-up heads. Besides Michelle who had to hop out of bed at 7 due to her parents arrival at 8, everyone was whining non-stop while clinging ourselves onto pillows. Sluggish kids we are. Eventually we did nothing until my ride came at half past 9. Regardless of the unproductive morning, oh gosh the night was one of the best hours of darkness I'd ever experienced. Another satisfying tick on my bucket list thanks to the #SneakersSquad! Without them I would had already rot into mushrooms years ago.

Peace out, Nandos. #firsttime

^ Sliding in a little extra of Sunday night, a warm dinner consisting the UOC 14/15 and the Scouters was held at Taipan's Nandos. Believe me or not, it was actually my first time digging into Nandos! (yup just laugh it out bro) Love its extra hot sauce & sweet potato mash. What a fun night to wrap the year off with the fabulous team of 15.

Phew, it's been a long time since I enjoyed such a excitement-filled weekend. Fingers crossed for more before the huge examination barge its way into my life. Also looking forward to next year's #WorldStageMy with the squad!

Cheers, Alanis xx.

MTV World Stage Malaysia '15

Huge morning to you all lovely humans! Last night was such a blast it felt like I was in some deep hallucination.

From the evident title, you guys probably know where my night was spent yesterday aites! One word to describe it - unbelievable. The crowd was flooding Sunway Lagoon's Surf Beach, music was super invigorating, and the ones who performed were awe-inspiring. To me, I attend this once-a-year music fest to meet Sekai no Owari, Carly Rae Jepsen & Jason Derulo! Oh gosh I don't even know where to start, they were tearing the stage into pieces. Sekai no Owari made me love them more (the piano performance is heart melting I swear), Carly's performance was perfectly executed & her songs were soul-satisfying, Jason Derulo literally stole the show. His dancers were sight-killers my jaw remained open while they did hysterical moves. Plus the songs he chose to present? Yaassss.

Ah, almost forgot to mention the crew that I went with. They were Nedd (of course), her sister Gienne, and Michelle. What a night of our lives we lived. On top of that, we even met cool people during the event - Benjamin Kheng, JinnyBoy & Mark O'Dea! Hmm there were definitely cons too besides the pros, for example the heartless smokers who are doing an excellent job teaming up with Mr. Haze. I don't care if it's a cigarette or an e-vapor, you're still smoking shit in public, godammit.

Tickets for four.

With JinnyBoy!

Sneakers Squad.

Stage from far view.

View from sitting down *pants*.

Chilling in Pyramid after it ended.

Soon after the event came to an end, we had a sleepover in Nedd's house (or slumber party as she would have it). But well, I'm just going to keep this post until here, obeying the title's accent. The crazy sleepover part will have to wait for tomorrow, so stay tuned!

Hope you peeps had a fun Saturday night too!

Rock on, Alanis xx.

Triumph & Bliss

Evening, world! Today was splendid, had so much enjoyment on an exam break day. Would be even delightful to share the glee with you all!

Wondering why an exam break day snapped out of nowhere? Our school's co-curricular awarding ceremony was situated on this 'prominent' day. Why prominent you ask? Teeheehee. We 104th Scouts of Petaling had achieved several winnings in various categories - we'd proudly won the Best Documentation Award, 1st runner up of the Best Notice Board Award, and 1st runner up of the Most Outstanding Uniform Movement Award! Here's the exciting part, we were the only ones to win as many as 3 hampers. What an amazement.

Unit of Council 2014/2015

After the contented yet stodgy event, we finally get to free ourselves from the formalities & the time to go wild arrives. Yup it's going to sound awkwardly witty, but today was the first time Nedd & I got our hands on a monopod. Without a doubt, you could probably imagine how riotous we were as if we were on weed or something worse. Our ally, Yiqian even got dragged into the party. Welp. 

Stealing Nedd's trophy.

Probably the best shot without crap.

Me: Why is it taking so long?

Far shot. 

Confusing blend of disgust & unease.

Psst, we're batman's sidekick.

H. e. y.

Frienship of 5 years & still going.

With the cool monopod featured above, I bet you guys are going to love the vlog that I'm going to film this Saturday; 3 more days to MTV World Stage 2015! My soul for music's already pumped up sky high to watch Jason Derulo & Carly Rae Jepsen perform their hearts out. It even seems impossible to wait for Saturday's arrival! Also, here's last Saturday's vlog if you missed it. 

That's all for today & I'll write to you peeps soon! :)

Cheers, Alanis xx.