Thursday, 31 December 2015

30 Random Favourites

Hello Earthlings! It's been some time since my last post, so why not update my blog a little by sharing some random favourites with you all?

  1. Colour - Red
  2. Fruit - Really sweet Strawberry / Apple
  3. Candy - Caramel
  4. Chocolate - I don't like chocolate, but I'll go with M&Ms
  5. Cold Drink - Smoothies from Boost Juice Bars (specifically with berries)
  6. Hot Drink - Starbuck's Caramel Macchiato 
  7. Ice Cream - BR's Hokey Pokey / Cotton Candy
  8. Number - 12 or 1
  9. Soup - Tomato
  10. Car -  Any Mini Cooper
  11. Reality Show - The Amazing Race
  12. Movie - How To Train Your Dragon (both 1 & 2)
  13. Sport - Basketball
  14. Meat - Fish (boneless please)
  15. Vegetable - Brussel Sprouts / Eggplant / Bitter Gourd
  16. Genre of Music - Acoustic Pop / Louis The Child Remix
  17. City to Visit - Amsterdam / Stockholm
  18. Celebrity Crush - Felix Kjellberg (if YouTubers count!)
  19. Book - The Fault In Our Stars
  20. Dog - Husky
  21. Flower - Rose
  22. Dessert - Crème Caramel
  23. Smell - IKEA furniture
  24. Game - Harvest Moon
  25. Piece of Jewelry - Army Tag
  26. Jeans - Uniqlo's Ultra Stretch 
  27. Condiment - Tabasco / Wasabi / Mustard
  28. Season - Winter / Spring
  29. Comfort Food - Sweet Potato Fries
  30. Piece of Clothing - Hoodie

Happy New Year everyone, Alanis xx.

Sunday, 20 December 2015

241 Days Later

Yup, the scar's still present on my left wrist, only without the spilling blood.

You might remember one remarkable blog post I wrote few months ago as I definitely do. Specifically 241 days ago, I was drowned with dark thoughts in my classroom, wanting to kill myself. And I did try, the blade sunk deep slicing peach flesh, revealing a greenish blue vein inside me. All was remembered well as it was a day that changed me lots. The self-granted drug I sniffed was strong enough to made me let go, to take my first step of freeing myself. I was pissed from slashing that cut, it left me a scar which would stay for eternity. More pissed that ever, people who are fated to care didn't fucking noticed my near death. I constantly ask myself, why should I care when they don't? Obviously it's a stupid question where I should care for them although they don't show the same, but I couldn't stand it anymore - the quarrelling, misunderstandings, unreasonable finger pointing, so much unfair prejudice that once & still holds one of the reasons of why I urged to jump off the 6th floor. 

It's not much, but it's more than enough.

Alright lets take away the point where such 'caring' people didn't seem to help mend me at all, but they don't just leave me drowning, they unfix me. Meaning they fucking screw things to the worse extent I rather disappear from their sight. Rude for me to say such words, but try standing in my shoes, what would you do? Trembling arms not even close to seeking self-help, I'm forced to swim in my scrambled thoughts day by day while staring at mental abusers. I finally opened up to my condition that I needed assistance, yet you restrict me from a lending hand outside of home. Does my situation makes it justifiable to say I feel totally helpless? Because that's what I feel every single day, stuck in my room trying to make things right, at least better. As someone who prefers hiding my own issues from the blissful smiles around me, it feels horrible opening up that I'm not okay, but I understand that I have to, yet what I obtained in return is embarrassment, regret & dreadful taunts.

Hate to say this so much, but I know I'm relapsing & my will's against from fighting it away. For the past few months I try so hard to think positive for real, get blades out of my sight, forgive & forget and so on. I pushed Ana away & gained my pounds back, I placed Harry's invisible cloak on Mia & it has been months since I purged. But the experienced ones knows that once they get to you, they never leave. My saviour Onision slapped it on our face that after all we can do, the only way to solve it is to seek for professional help, which is the one thing I couldn't attain from where I stand. Thanks to him, I officially brought cutting to a halt & I truly hope I don't relapse from cutting again. It was a tough journey, but I managed to loosen my fingers. As for that one senior who made the deal (read old post here), go fuck yourself. I hung onto the deal for your sake, yet you continue to smoke then & now. Could say it ain't surprising you broke the deal by looking at your doubtful face!
I'm writing this out of pain because I have nowhere else to exert my worries, and I apologise if this post didn't make your day brighter. After all, I began to blog as it's my one & only place to write who I am despite the acceptance of others. Hey, doesn't this prove that no one's living a perfect life as what it seems on screen? Just telling you I'm as ordinary as you are, maybe even a little broken inside.

Remember it's just a bad day, not a bad life.


Have a great one, Alanis xx.

Saturday, 19 December 2015

Encadrè | Prom '15

Ello!

Held on December 15, Prom was excitingly fun! I decided to wear a tux-like attire not because I like dressing up as a guy (nope not at all), but I just can't resist the classy tuxedo look, it represents my style in a way. I love dresses but I just can't seem to find the perfect one right before prom. Anyways, I think it's best that I clarify that the stuff I wore are all ladies wear. Yup, it's possible to look as classy as men in ladies wear aites. Screw them stereotypes.

With the lovely weirdos. (Nedd, Michelle, Yan Jing & I)
2/3 of the Makan Gang! By the way, we're scouts.

Although we were lucky to book Table 1 which is the table nearest to the stage, I swear that my ears nearly got blown off by the electric guitar's amplifier. Seriously, who the heck adjusted the amplifier's volume until the guitar covers the vocals? A table full of intolerant critics, we all left the table once the guitarist played & sang for another session. I'm also surprised that there was no Best Dressed award this year, weird don't you think? Nonetheless, it was a great one because of the burning warmth of my buddies & the enjoyment we had. Everything is fun once the team is present!

Trying to be fancy but nope we just can't. #SneakersSquad
Photo booth spam!

See those photo booth strips above? Well, those were EARNED by hard work - standing in line over & over again in high heels. Yup, I was wearing leather boots with heels, startled how most people didn't realise that until I duckwalked around with a cringing face. In overall, prom was a memorable one, what a way to end the high school journey with the people who matters. <3


Don't hesitate to do crazy things, Alanis xx.

Wednesday, 16 December 2015

Soon-To-Be Freshman!

Oh gosh, the speed of time is really intimidating to my snowballing maturity.

What my young heart feels is that I just enrolled into kindergarten yesterday, went for a one day trip with my primary school buddies, water-splashing the birthday student after the bell rang, finishing my first scout camp as a idiot who doesn't know any life surviving skills and the list goes on and on.

And now, I'm just a footstep away from my next milestone - college.

Honestly, that's petrifying. Saying it is a piece of cake; but to act, that's something my mouth would stutter on. Considered that I just went through 5 years of high school which carved me from cave to rock knocked me a huge sense of realisation that I have to begin flourishing my responsibilities & stop arguing over kid shit, but doesn't it seem crazy to us that in a blink of an eye all words are enough said & it's time to face upcoming adulthood? I mean, frankly we're not ready, our age show prove doesn't mean our souls are. Shivering little mouses we are, blimey! Our world is about to get real!

Alright that's enough dramatic mess, let's just toughen up (or at least act like it).

Yup, I'm becoming a freshman soon. 37 days to be exact, as orientation day's on January 20. It's insane because you see, it's a total different level of education system I'm soon dealing with. Immense independence, intraspecific competition, resolute use of creativity, extreme commitment, the hunger to thrive- all these essential qualities in order to achieve success in my next milestone are very easy things to say but difficult things to master. Procrastination won't be our unprofitable drug anymore, but a dream crusher that we must not allow it to linger around. The enemy level between laziness & I would rise sky high. Will I be able to keep my heart beating? I don't even know how to answer that question!

Signed up for ADTP in January intake at Sunway College (majoring in Communication), I would say it's a little nerve-wrecking as I'm not entirely sure of how the journey goes - how do I wisely pick my minors, how do I complete credit hours, how do I act like a normal college student who knows how to get her shit done and so. I really want to ace this college milestone, but I'm not as prepared as the best I can be. Well, I also have to stop fretting about future education while I'm currently being surrounded by a bunch of humans partying on a sleepover night. What on Earth am I doing to enjoy my holidays?!

Better get back to dancing to Troye Sivan's hits & playing board games. Have a super duper exciting holiday aites!


Cheers, Alanis xx.

Sunday, 13 December 2015

Permanently Tucked In Jeans

You know the everyday thoughts you receive throughout the day, most of them being random & all, maybe even related to unicorns & penguins. I have mine too, and some of them meet the qualification to end up on this simple little blog.

Today while my butt warmed up the passenger seat of my dad's car, getting a second ride to my future college's Open Day, I looked in the mirror wondering about how I look & did I wear proper enough to not let myself down in front of lecturers & administrators. It was nothing fancy to start with, just a blue jersey-material tee with sweat pants, toed with a pair of muddy trainers. Basically, I look like shit & could look better with effort, but somehow I didn't care. Then the thoughts came in about what would people think of my thoughts regarding this topic. And it went deeper, more irrelevant & so. I'm a deep thinker in weird stupid thoughts, you see. But these are the things my creativity generator fueled on in order to keep my interests running. My blog, for example.
Sums my life up.

Anyways, back to topic before I float away again. My thoughts found me the urge to write a post about my thoughts on getting dressed every single day. In a way people could understand relatably, so here's it. First, I'd like to express that getting dressed irritates the heck out of me sometimes, in a way similar to how girls stare at their wardrobe complaining they have no clothes to put on, but with a mini twist. I have so many aspects swirling around in my head when it comes to dressing myself. Not to look like a guy but my clothes make me look like one, not wearing the same clothes over & over again, trying to look feminine but at the same time look cool, all these inessential judgements kills me. What's worse is after tucking on & flipping out clothes for half an hour, I often end up losing the motive to dress to impress & would just put on pyjamas and leave the house. The girl who gives zero fucks.

I struggle more on not wearing the same stuff over & over again than not looking like a guy (nah it's the same). My favourites you could possibly see me wear 4 times a week are my black skinnies, the only pair of converse I have & printed jerseys. These items are always on me 24/7 because their simplicity expresses my style. Yes I do wash them, so don't keep asking me why I'm so boring. Might be surprising to you, I do love crop tops, muscle tanks and more feminine clothing but they always get changed out before I leave my room. I just can't accept them tucked on me for a reason I myself don't understand, but I'd love to wear them out! Skirts are a no no, doesn't mean dresses stick in the same category as them. Although I only own two summer dresses, I'm dying to get more but at the same time I suck at getting them on me before leaving my bedroom. How's that a struggle for you guys?

As a tumblr-ish 17 year old who definitely has a feminine touch in her that people often unintentionally smack that off by hurting insults, fashion does play a huge part in my life although I don't prove much of it everyday. I'd love to make fashion hauls & Ootd vlogs based on my style on YouTube but I constantly have a feeling that people won't accept that coming out from me. Probably because I'm a straight tomboy who has spilled my wrong first impression to people, now having to live up to it. I'm not what I seem to appear most of the time, so you should learn how to stop locking a personal judgement of someone's look once you knew (or thought you knew) them. And hey, I'm not exactly a boring human being who can survive with wearing cargo shorts & a dusty tee all the time, didn't get my dad's genes for this one! (Sorry dad)

Staph.

Nonetheless, just dress to be you, the real you I mean. Sometimes people just don't care.

Stay crazy, Alanis xx.

Friday, 11 December 2015

Flawed Jaws

Everyone has their flaws, and today I chose to talk about the physical ones that can be identified on one's look in a blink of an eye. Mine is something rare that happens in the circle of friends I live in, something that must be explained when one questions. You'd probably noticed as it's pretty obvious, my underbite has been causing many misunderstandings for a while now.

Yup.

Got it from my dad's genes, I was born with an underbite that grew much more obvious throughout my childhood years. Surprisingly, I didn't knew I had it until I was called 'monkey' during my 3rd year in primary school. Staring at the mirror for hours like an insecure teenager, I was wondering - "What's wrong with me? Why do I look different from my friends? Am I really a monkey?" Luckily I wasn't a kid who care much about other people's judgements (or at least during then) thus I happily brushed it off & continue living life. Slowly, I realised it's getting obvious & obvious year by year, and I began to feel my unconfident shivers popping out of my chest. I didn't like it, the look & the nicknames, especially when they are reflected on one's face which is unavoidable to take a glance at everyday.

In high school, noticeable changes are my abnormal smiles, trying to hide the lower lip in but it only show the jaws more. As my teeth are also very untidy with chunks of it growing with different angles, I had one of the worse teeth you can ever have. An often asked question by my school mates was "why don't you go get braces?",  even I thought so too. Until I pulled my parents along to the dentist far away from home to get it checked & inquired more about it, I became aware that my case isn't the usual 'crooked teeth' kind of situation where you just pull out a few teeth & have braces on for years to have it solved. It's an underbite, the only way to fix it is surgery. Freezing that moment, I was terrified of the pain & the huge amount of uncomfortable time I had to go through, but I was so willing to fix it I could agree with whatever treatment as long as the nicknames stopped shooting towards my head.

But the problem is not about the pain, neither the hurting clock ticks, but the cost.

The surgery costed 30 thousand bucks, you see. Adding on the 2-years-braces & getting a few teeth out, the total's around 40k. Insurance couldn't cover a single cent as it's considered as a type of cosmetic surgery, something to improve one's appearance instead of health (but lets talk facts, fixing an underbite does improve teeth health). Staring at my parents' astonishing faces, I knew the answer's no. Went home sobbing in the car, my head was filled with negativity of continuous mocking I had to face all my life. People didn't knew the stuff they say about it actually hurts the hell out of me. Try being called an ape everyday in class, it's not something laughable at all. Friends often misunderstand my mood when they stare at me while I try to pay attention in class, most would think I'm mad as I do look mad, but I was not. Having a resting bitchface all the time is already not helping my life, imagine having an underbite stacked on. Plus it's not something I could possibly hide in any way, something I have to deal with 24/7 in the social space we live in.


The point is, think twice before you start to judge on one's personality or anything. Or don't judge at all & just go home already. I used to be very unconfident about my underbite, but now I'd accepted it as a part of me & I feel okay letting it show its flaws to the world I see. Yes it definitely annoys the hell out of me when people don't get me, but what can you say? A little explanation wouldn't hurt a soul I guess. Would I still have the surgery done in the future when I could afford it? The answer's yes. Hey, it's not because I'm denying my father's genes, but I'd love to see how I look with such a flaw taken away from me, it would be fun shocking the friends who once teased me too (you'll see what you missed hohoho). Anyways, don't look down on the physical flaws you own aites! Embrace it to the fullest, it's a part of you so you gotta be proud of it! Extraordinary always beats the ordinary, don't let it incinerate your social life in any way!

That awkward smile?

I feel you, you feel me, we all are in this journey together. Just be yourself yup!

Wishing you a fun December, Alanis xx.

Wednesday, 9 December 2015

Harry Potter | Q&A

Greetings muggles! As you may know or not, I recently rewatched every Harry Potter movie due to my faded memory towards its storyline & also to destress myself throughout the horrible SPM journey. Definitely no regrets although I ended up only getting 2 hours of sleep for 8 days straight. They were so good that I was willing to screw my study schedule just to keep my head entertained! Today, I'll be doing a Harry Potter Q&A (or tag whatever you like to call it) that consist of 15 questions about the amazing series. But before we start, I'd like to make it clear that I had never read the books & only watched the films, so everything below is based on the screen instead of the pages.


Awww.

1. Favourite male character?
Either Draco Malfoy or Neville Longbottom, I just can't make up my mind!

2. Favourite female character?
Luna Lovegood. Such a sweet & innocent character.

3. Favourite professor?
Severus Snape. His death sent me to my bedroom, hugging my teddy soaking it with tears.

4. Favourite & least favourite movie?
Harry Potter & the Deathly Hallows part 2 is my favourite other than Half Blood Prince. Snape is the reason why as I reaaaaally adore the character to the extend I would read his wiki page again & again. My least favourite would be Harry Potter & the Sorcerer's Stone.

5. Would you rather travel to hogwarts via A) Hogwart Express or B) Flying Car?
Definitely Hogwart Express! Not trying to be safe but I can't afford to miss the scenery along the luxurious ride & the candy cart. The flying car doesn't seem fun to me..

6. Would you rather A) Kiss Voldemort or B) Give Umbridge a bubble bath?
Gosh this is hard. I'm disgusted by Umbridge but at the same time I can never kiss Voldemort no matter what unless I had to save lives. Probably go for giving that ugly bitch a bath. (Or can I give Voldemort a bath? That's better)

7. Which house was your first gut feeling you'd be a part of?
Slytherin is who I am. Long explanation, but if I get to pick a house to be in, I'll go for Gryffindor because I have strategy in mind.

8. Which house were you actually sorted into on Pottermore?
I did it twice on two different websites, got Slytherin at first, but then I got Gryffindor on another one. Confusing eh?

Hermione being Hermione.

9. Which is your favourite class?
Another hard one. I would say Defence Against the Dark Arts, with Transfiguration and Dark Arts coming behind. Once a Slytherin, always a Slytherin.

10. Which character do you think you'd instantly become friends with?
Ron Weasley! We can chat all day I suppose!

11. If you could own one of the three hallows, which one would it be?
The invisibility cloak. The elder wand seems like fun, but of course we don't want it to be in the wrong hands as I would play around with it.

12. Favourite spell?
Sectumpsempra. Not because I'm evil (okay a little evil) but able to control the slashes by swinging the wand sounds exciting to me! Muahahahahaha.

13. If you could bring one character back to life, who would it be?
SNAPE. I really wanna bring Dobby back to life too but aaaargh I need Snape to live, I'm sorry!

14. Favourite location?
Hagrid's hut. He's such a great guy who saved lives without knowing.

15. Hallows or horcruxes?
Hallows. Why would I want to be immortal with the risk of others destroying pieces of my heart than be the master of death?

<3

Should you rewatch Harry Potter when you have nothing to do? YES, GO DO IT NOW.

Have a great day, Alanis △⃒⃘

Wednesday, 2 December 2015

Why Communications, but not Film?

So here's the other blog post which I promised you guys from my last write, read on!

You might be awfully curious about why I went with a Communications major rather than Film, especially when one of my ambitions is to work in the film industry. Long but important story I'm about to tell you, you might even learn something from this meaningful write!

Me excited for college.

First of all, let's compare the real career choices that can be offered after graduating from both degrees. For film, there are the usual film-related gigs available (camerawork, editing etc), producing & directing are the main ones I love. Other than that, the larger percentage consists of commercial management, sales, business, clerical & much more. You see, the percentage of getting a hollywood-related job is only 12%. But hey, don't get me wrong! By now you should understand that I'm quite a risk-taker who would not pull myself back just because it's a 12%, just let me finish up the next paragraph for me to make a full explanation on this aspect.

For communications, this now popular & widely known field basically covers mostly everything because it's a social thing (duh)! With its degree, there's a huge area of careers available like public relations, event management, advertising, journalism, broadcasting & even social media! This actually includes a few film-related gigs like directing & producing with a little film studies on hand, get the picture?

Now time for the real comparison based on numerous aspects. One of the main reasons I picked ADTP is not just because I want to study in America, but I want to live there. The plan after graduating is to get a stable job so I'll be given a working Visa, years later a Green card. To get a stable job, I have to pick the one that's safe & would work on plan, which is communications as there are more secure jobs available than that of film studies. Besides, if things don't work out the way I want & I end up flying back to Malaysia years later, a communications degree can still provide me a great career here! Imagine having a film degree here, it's difficult to actually get an enjoyable job (for me, at least).

Talk about interest, I definitely have more towards film than communications, but honestly, why pick the favourite so I could enjoy 3 or 4 years of further studies then suffer the worse later? In my position, I'm currently not financial stable, nor could I afford to pay all my college and uni fees without searching for ways to work things out. I don't have a backup plan if I fail, not like my rich friends who have their parents's business to continue if they can't find a job after uni. My wallet's not fat, I can't go for higher studies after graduating from uni to get a secure dream job later on. Dodging all these comparisons, it's not true that I don't own interest for communications. As it happens, I love communications too! Hence, it's not exactly a pain in the heart for me to make a choice like that. I'm totally cool for it, presentations & talks are my thing (although I suck at it).

I hope the stuff above clearly (and long-windedly) explained to you about my choice of a college major. Now the advice part - First, always pick what you have interest in no matter how crazy it sounds to you or other people. If you love music or art so much you want to take its degree, go for it! There's no such thing as 'music is for people who can't get good grades' or some other stupid saying from foolish adults. Next, pick what's best for you. Lay out a draft of your future, analyse it with mature thoughts. Don't just think about how fun your college life can be, but the life you earned after throwing your graduation caps for the last time. Also, don't follow your friends in everything & their study choices (seriously!) People who does this are always fated with regrets after finishing their first semester when they figured out that they are in the wrong field, studying the wrong major. I'm sure you don't want to switch courses after studying crap you hate for months (unless you have a fat wallet, then give it a go).

Yup, that bloody rich.

Hope this post helps you to think twice before making one of your biggest life decisions, definitely more obliging writes regarding college education to come!

Stay smiling, Alanis xx.

Monday, 30 November 2015

After-SPM Plans

Finally there's time for me to spam the keys! (nah I was just lazy)

To most of the 98's in my country, the hurricane seems to have settled down for them. IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU HAVE TO SCREAM AROUND THE HALL LIKE YOU WON THE LOTTERY! Oh why you ask? 'CAUSE I STILL HAVE AN EXTRA SUB, PRICKS.
Snape is awesome btw I still can't get over his death x.
Okay my bad, sorry for the rage.

Moving on, since my head couldn't resist the thought that SPM is over (soon), I've already began to plan my after-SPM schedule for the past weeks. And by plan, I mean real plans without the goofing & gaffing. In our imaginative, creative & wild minds, there're just so many things blurred onto our bucket list that sometimes if you storm a little deeper, some dreams aren't even realistic at all. Somehow I've always managed to keep my plans clear & real since I was a kid as I'm an individual who compares the real & unreal way too much. Like I fully disagree with fictitious ambitions without laying out a tough path of grueling obstacles to build experience & achievements. Don't get my words wrong though, I do have pretty far fetched ambitions like becoming a full time YouTuber & working in the film industry, but it IS possible for me to achieve them with the correct road & mindset, which is drafting & executing the plans needed to reach the finish line. Here's an example of people I loathe: People who wants to be a YouTuber but constantly give excuses for not being able to create a channel/upload content regularly. With such behaviorism, trust me but you're getting nowhere in years. It's not about making things perfect, but trying's the first step! I'm not trying to brag or whatsoever, but I at least try to keep my videos uploaded at a weekly basis & do constantly brainstorm for creative ideas. Thus, this also leads to another after-SPM plan you'll read below!

After I'm done with EST next Tuesday, one of the first things I'll do is pick up driving lessons. Does it sound terrifying to you? Because controlling a fast-moving object with only pedals & a driving wheel freaks the hell out of me. In the meantime, I'll get a part-time job for two months before the college life shoots in (excited!). Becoming a barista in Starbucks was always a tiny dream of mine, I had sent in my application, but I'm kinda underage (still below 18) so it's a 50/50 chance I might get the gig. Besides that, I'll still be involved in a few Scout activities during the holidays & might apply for a Scouter position if I can cope my college studies with its commitment, although I doubt I'll be able to apply as the course I'm going for is quite an all-around which tends to need more time & dedication in order to score in all subjects. Not just that, a second YouTube Channel is on its way soon! It's where I'll upload comedy, short films & vlogs weekly so it doesn't mix with the music/animation channel.

The most exhilarating part for me is planning & applying for college! The course I really really really want to go for is the American Degree Transfer Program (Communications Major) in Sunway College. In overall, it is a course that not only tackles the subject I'm about to major, but it contains a lot of minors that are selectable such as psychology, environmental studies, natural science & so much more. Basically, it's similar to high school where I'll have tons of subjects including the one I major to study for, therefore it's a course that needs full concentration & smart studying techniques to notch. If you question me, why major Communications rather than Film if my dream is to work in the film industry? I'll leave that interesting topic to another future blog post as there's quite an amount to explain. This programme is also high in cost which is a huge worry for my parents & I as there are so many subjects & I'll be spending a year or so in the states (2 yrs here, 1 year there). Hence, if I get the chance to pursue this dream course I'll need to secure my future platform, I'll definitely go all in & never loose a muscle.

Yup, that's about it on my REAL after-SPM plans I suppose! There are surely other things I have on the list, but these are the prioritised ones I'm either excited about (college!) or having to do so (driving, for example). What are your after-SPM/holiday plans? Feel free to let me know in the comments below!
#spmday10 #biology

Tiny piece of advice, focus on being productive than being busy!

See you soon, Alanis xx.

Monday, 9 November 2015

Trip to America! #PartOne


Many people know that I went to the states during the 2014's year-end school holidays, and most of them questioned me about the trip, how was life there like & so on. Without a clue, I started to realised that I actually didn't take any time off to blog or share this rare experience to the curious ones, especially for someone who used to junk her blog 24/7! 

Well, without further ado, here's a collection of much rather random (and ugly) shots my uncle and I took during my one-month stay in the US.
Flight delayed. (3rd from top)
Flight ticket! 
In the cabin with a bunch of French monsieurs & madames.
See any Malaysians? I DON'T THINK SO. D:
I remember myself going insane when in the morning of 28 November, I realised my flight was departing on the night itself! (I thought it was on 29..) Asking me was it a scary experience? - It was terrifying. For someone who doesn't travel abroad often, it's like swimming in the middle of the ocean. But trust me, once you get over the wanna-pee-your-pants phase, it's all good after that. Just follow the signboards & ask for assistance (also learn a little French), and you'll be fine! The 13-hour flight from Malaysia to Paris was literally a pain in the ass though. Luckily I had the aisle seat or else I had to communicate with authentic French people so I could visit the restroom. Hey, a French girl actually sat on my left & I swear I couldn't understand a single word besides excusez-moi. 
Reached Paris! (Paris De Gaulle Airport)
Had to fill this scary form before heading onboard.

This glaced waffle was delicious! Costed me £1.
Once my plane hit the ground of the chilly Paris, I rushed my way to another terminal to catch my next flight to Chicago. The shuttle bus I took gave me a brief view around the airport, including the foreign plants & scenery my eyes wasn't offered in my birth country. Cool vending machines were everywhere - the waffle above was bought from one of them! Before even able to relax my ass in such a country I adore, passengers of the next flight was called to board the plane.
Airplane snack during the transit flight to Chicago. (Savoury & Sweet)
Reached Chicago O'Hare Airport! My uncle's whole family including my cute cousins came to pick me up (not to mention, I gave my Aunt a pretty good scare). We had dinner at a restaurant opened by Malaysians, visited a grocery store then head to a nearby hotel for an overnight stay. Of course, jet lag kicked in as I spent my snoring times on Pac-Man & Tetris on the plane. Next morning, we head to Chinatown for brunch at Wong Kok's after stuffing myself with bacon & eggs. Before the 3 hour drive back to my Uncle's home in Michigan, we hung out at the long walk near Adler Planetarium where we took pictures of the Chicago View & the Zodiac Statues. To be frank, it was FREEZING cold even my fingers were shivering & 'smoke' breathed out from my mouth while I spoke, but the scenery was just too fascinating I could never afford to miss.
Circle of Animals / Zodiac Statues in Chicago.
Some statue outside the museum. (It's Copernicus I think)
Chicago View aka ignore my ugly face.
Chinatown in Chicago.
Snowy view from the hotel we stayed for a night.

To be continued!

Stay tuned for part two, Alanis xx.

Monday, 2 November 2015

Reckless & Stupidity | #SpmDay1

Day 1 of SPM was such a bitch.

It was one of my best Malay essays I ever wrote in life, threw in nine idioms & a poem, great elaboration of points, and guess what - the worst that could happen actually happened.

My essay was off the topic. My first time going off topic, and it decided to occur on SPM.

As the matter of fact, the way I knocked in the realisation was hilarious. Thinking that a word from the question owns a meaning of such, I wrote the 4-page-long text obeying its requirements. Coming out of the hall with a slight grin, Nedd & I proceeded to the library to revise for our next test. There, I flipped open the Malay dictionary to triple-confirm the meaning of that word, shockingly discovering the exact definition of it.

Basically, the question wants us to write about the methods to promote World Peace. 

Well, I scribbled ways to promote our country's peace.
Fucked, am I?
Nedd stared at me hysterically while I began to laugh like a psychopath ready to map its next killing because seriously what else could I do? Start shedding tears, flooding the library? You guys probably know it's not my thing to tear up in public (especially in a library) but I admit, it's tough to hold it in. Malay was a subject I sank my heart into just to understand, furthermore it was a subject I actually 'study' for. Not the brag, deep inside I knew that if my essay was right on track, an A for Malay might not just stay as a dream anymore. And yup, I screwed it up because of my stupidity of blindly believing that I knew the meaning of such word, and confidently chose the risky path instead of a safe but boring one. Definitely learnt my lesson, eh.

In a blink of an eye, I felt my world collapsing. It's impossible to accept the fact that this subject might give me a grade below credit, or even failing it. If I fail, I would have to retake this heartbreaking subject a few months later. If I pass below credit, I would have to take up this subject in college. Worst, I might not even get into the course I aim for if I don't get at least a C for Malay. People around me would find this as not a huge deal that I should move on from, but it hurts because my essay was good. It wouldn't scar so much if I'm usually bad at Malay or I already screwed up the elaborations of the essay in the first place. Trust me, I tried so hard to forget about it so I could focus on the other subjects, but it just couldn't work. I'm not okay at all. It's really something that obstructs me to forgive myself, all because of plain stupidity & my reckless habit with a touch of overconfidence.
Sniffs.
With the objective to draw away my miserable thoughts, (lame) puns & jokes were naturally pulled out from my tongue to spark a laugh or two. Did not expect they would choo in a train of asthmatic guffawing till we barely revised a single thing during the 3 hour break. Deep down, my inner soul was tired of crying. Got a little (unhelpful) kick after Nedd told me that she could see the tearful me under my laughing coat. Somehow, watching my buddy laugh her lungs out cheered me up with a twisted thought of 'at least I'm making someone else happy, ain't I?'. Nope, not heading for some sacrificing-happiness-of-oneself-to-make-others-happy bullshit because that's just attention-craving crap, but I gotta say, seeing someone being joyful because of the jokes I pull out really glues a smile on top of my frown. Genuine smiles, of course - Don't frame it up just so I could sell myself a lie!

Hmm on the bright side, at least I get a short day's break as I'm having English for tomorrow. Hoping for the best for tomorrow, screwing up one favourable subject is already way more than enough for me! Better head off revising a little more idioms for tomorrow's essay, SPM's not something I could excel by the seat of one's pants!


All the best, SPM candidates! Cheers, Alanis xx.

Wednesday, 28 October 2015

Don't Get Me Wrong, Friend.

Evening ladies & gents! (and puppies & squirrels & jellyfishies) It's been some time since I hit the not-musical-but-alphabetic keys, today shall be granted the day!
Here's an adorable meow to make your day!
The topic for today's article is leaning towards my unspoken preferences about the earthlings around us. Before I began, this post is provoked by a sudden spark of impression which came streaming into my wires, shot up straight into my wakeful head. Know it or not, a friend I have stuck on me for as long as I could remember has been bothering my scrambled thoughts for long. Could say we were close for reasons we must, well honestly I never felt myself being with her. She knows parts of my secrets, lots of time of mine was spent with her, but like I said, we were close for reasons we must. She might even be reading this right now, the continuing words might smash her bruised heart. This time, no one's going to obstruct me with a halt sign, I finally understand a part of myself, and here's my rarely told fondness towards the friends I make.

I heard things, true things from people I trust. Not just that, but with stabbing eyes, looks do explain a person's traits sometimes. To her, it's in year 2015; To me, it's been five years. Few months ago, I sort of hammered her a partial page of my empty feelings towards our strained friendship. Bluntly I said, "Our bond is not going to last. Probably caused by our ruthless past in hidden cloak." Not explaining much, that's what I briefed & since then, we're strolling on the silent edge of our connection. Here's the blast, what I said was very incorrect. Our bond is not breaking off, it never started. Yes I tried passing her the keys to my gate of buddy association, but she's just not the kind I could bear with. Even worse, I own a fear towards people similar to her. A fear of hurting the already hurt spawned from my inconsiderate honesty. Experiences.

If you're reading this, 'her', sorry in advance for my choice of expressions. Here's what you need to stop trying to pick the heavy duty lock of mine (also to shut you up). Your idea of me breaking the relationship deserves a buzzer from X-Factor, furthermore you triggered my loathe towards misunderstandings. It's not because of our competitive past at all, but the explosion when our traits meet. Don't you get it? You're just not able to be the pal I could lend a shoulder to cry on. You're just not fitting to even be the simple friend I could sit in class with. Our basic characteristics, common or not, don't even stand a chance to click. Telling you my problems made me felt worse & regret, the advice you gave made me anxious instead. And I don't blame you, not everyone can get along, that's how you build up BFF & enemy relationships. So I'm begging you, stop trying.

Do you know how stupid you sound when you told my buddy that once I own a true best friend, I could never let anyone in anymore? Bullshit. Here's something to understand, not like the majority, I prefer a small amount of friends who mean the world to me than a huge number of so-called buddies (aka school popularity). Thus, I have the guts to kick unwanted people out of my life, which is what I'm braving towards you once our 'forced-to-shake-hands-contract' is over. Think again, it's a normal phenomenon that happens to everyone! You meet someone, he/she does something which disobeys your liking, you'll definitely stop having conversations with that person, no? I suppose this clearly explains my fear of hurting the already hurt.
<3
To maybe fill up the hole I just dug in hearts of many, the brief statement I would like to release is, the awfully close friends who I click with are the ones who own honesty at first, loyal, logically-supportive and real. Yup I appreciate it when someone runs up to me & shoots opinions/critism into my face. Most of all, it feels amazing when the friend share the same dreams as I, but instead of fighting over rankings & shit, we are able to lift each other up & feel happy for each other's achievements. That's truly something rare for me to find, especially for someone who's terribly competitive in EVERYTHING. The above explains why the bond between Nedd & I is unbreakable no matter how you try to saw the strings. It was not about the tragic incidents, but the person you stand to be.

Have a great week, Alanis xx.

Saturday, 10 October 2015

Onision Saved My Life

It's midnight, I'm watching Onision's videos regarding self-harm & suicidal thoughts for psychological needs (to balance out my mind) and I felt this strange feeling of not knowing what's my next step to proceed. What can I do to continue fixing myself piece by piece, getting stronger day by day? My current answer's I don't know, not because I fell into my own hole again, but I don't seem to get a glance of chance of me getting help. Not on me this time.

To credit the someone whom really snapped me out of my near-death misery, I would say the person's Onision (aka Gregory Jackson). He's a YouTuber able to be considered as my favourite, makes straight up honest videos without a single fuck given, and speaks by experience. Scrolling back in time, I was severely depressed for numerous reasons - unfitting environment, moronic friendships, parents who find me unacceptable, eating disorders and more. Soon after months of terrible productivity, I took up a habit of blades & blood. Frankly, friends who noticed said words which never helped, instead unintentionally dug me a deeper hole. As I was always hooked up with YouTube during unsleepable nights & free time, the search bar I clicked then typed 'suicidal thoughts'. Onision popped out. And that's when I was given the first ever help.

It may sound crazy or insane to you guys about how obsessed I am to YouTube to even gain therapy from a social website. Well here's the thing, I have nowhere to go. My parents (sorry to say), they really don't give a single fuck about my mental health. I tried to hint them, instead they told me depression's shit & would never kill me & it's bullshit & I'm just trying to make my parents have pity on me and some other crap (including disowning me). Trust me, there's no other way my parents could play aid in my situation, one more step they come & I'd probably pull the trigger. Friends, not exactly a positive outcome for me either (I didn't really approached, I just distant myself). Some adults I know either advice me too much on irrelevant facts which irritates or they don't give a shit at all. Thus, this all leads to myself. I can't afford therapy sessions without my parents knowing, school counselling seems like the worst decision I could had went for, there're basically nothing I can call out for without my parents understanding. Now you see the light of why YouTube means so much to me.

Back to topic, I was watching his videos in autoplay rolling continuously, most are the same ones I used to watch last time when I was in an unstable state. One of the best attainment was that his one video made me stop cutting instantaneously (scars scars scars). The inspiration was always there, but the effect reduced itself. Here's my current situation; I'm swimming after I'd recover from drowning, but in a pool without ladders. I broke the wobbly position I stood, but now I'm stuck without a guiding light. I desperately need someone to talk to, a therapist for example, to get me running again. From replaying videos from YouTubers such as Hannah Hart & Onision, it's wonderful to know how they regain themselves from obtaining therapy help & becoming who they are today. And I don't ask for much, but just a helping hand I could grab on, someone I could express the grey side of me. People who know me would picture me as someone who laughs & smiles all the time even at 'lame' situations, that's the image I desire to portrait to the people around me. However, equilibrium flips itself 180° after only exposing one side of oneself. That's what getting me, watching amazing people go through a similar past as my current time by accepting who they are & getting help, but I don't own the opportunity to feel better. I suppose it's eligible for me to say it's unfair.

That's all I urge to write out from heart as my comments & feelings after rewatching numerous of Onision's life-saving videos. He really is amazing (p.s. we share the same birthday). Greg, if you're reading this, hope you get the thank you message & if you could do so, write or sound back as it would help so much.


Have a great weekend, Alanis xx.

Monday, 28 September 2015

Mitsui Outlet Park & MAD!

Bonjour! Here's another holiday throwback - let's all rewind time to last Thursday's outing!

Since the weather was terribly hazy during the holidays, the family & I got rather bored from tucking ourselves under blankets spamming movies in the living room. Thus, we planned a day-out from gluing our eyes onto smartphones & head to an indoor mall to unwind ourselves. But it's not just some mall you get to visit everyday, Mitsui Outlet Park was our destination! 35 minutes away from home, we get to invade on-sale branded shops & chomp on fancy food, sounds like a splendid 2-in-1 win.

A few of my favourite stores there are Nike, Superdry, Cotton On & Quicksilver. Well, to be frank, the ongoing sales there aren't exactly jaw-dropping or rarely found. Prices are still somewhat high after 50% discounts. And some shops like Converse lure me in with fetching banners but the price tags are totally same as the ones in luxurious malls. After violently flipping around clothes in various stores, I got myself a pair of patterned shorts from Levi's & a gray Nike SB snapback I fell in love with on first sight. It's impossible for me to understand how my mom managed to bring home numerous shopping bags when I couldn't even try on clothes after looking at them price tags. Eyyy.
Gray Nike SB Snapback - RM69
Levi's Patterned Shorts - RM79

Halfway thought our shopping adventure, we had our late lunch at M.A.D! (aka Modern Asian Diner). It's a fusion restaurant which design's inspired by bohemian & New York, serves a wide selection of Asian & Western eats & the best part for me, its exquisite modern plating. Like really, food that's plated to feed Instagram. Already impressed of its comfortable surrounding, we were served Penne Chicken Arrabiata (got it with Fettuccine instead), Rendang Lamb Shank, Grilled Chicken Chop & other stuff I either forgot or missed its camera moment. Mine was the pasta, it tasted so delicious but I wasn't exactly warned by its spicyness, causing my sore throat to stay a little longer (welp). The lamb was cooked to perfection, chicken chop just stood on the average line. The drink I ordered was a Caramel Macchiato Double, it was much more smoother than the Apple Caramel Latte I had at Coffeezzo the day before. We even called a Mango Cheesecake for dessert! Slightly above average pricing, but everything was worth it!
Front Counter.
Can this be called a chandelier too?
From top: Rendang Lamb Shank, Fettucine Chicken Arrabiata, Grilled Chicken Chop.
Creamy Caramel Macchiato Double.

Yup, how can you not say it's a satisfying outing? Is it weird that I miss the food more than I miss the shops full of trendy clothing? Probably why this second time visiting Mitsui Outlet Park was so much better than our first visit. Foooooood.


Stay safe hiding from the haze, guys!

Thanks for reading, Alanis xx.

Saturday, 26 September 2015

Coffeezzo Wednesday

Evening to the lovely people out there! Sorry for not blogging for a while, the holidays are stuffing up my schedule like Thanksgiving turkey (examples are sleeping & snacking). There were loads of captivating times throughout the week, and I shall scribble them in words of my expression then publish them here bit by bit!

Last Wednesday, we (the fam) craved for something new yet sips of simple joe to enjoy our afternoon teatime. Since we got bored from shopping Main Place with our hands empty, the coffee house situated few steps away caught our eyes. It owns the modish name of 'Coffeezzo', aired with a quiet ambience fitting for meetings or alone time. Some parts of this cafe has its taste of art, but the area near the kitchen is pretty messy that spoils the overall conceptual atmosphere.
Is this real?
Love the wall art.
Simple design.



















Moving on, the edibles were scrumptious, surprisingly better than expected. On our round table had a long black, a cappuccino & an apple caramel latte. Other than the both authentic coffee beverages, I would say that the apple caramel latte needed a stronger hint of apple. Soon, a bold slice of Chocolate Banana cake entered our vision then collided with our tastebuds; the chocolate fondant was rich & the bits of very ripe banana maintained a sweet aftertaste, causing me to dig my fork into it repetitively. Easily saying, I would be back for more. Average cafe pricing. However, the service can be described as awkward & uneasy depending on the waiter approached. Get quality servers, for omnom's sake!
From top: Apple Caramel Latte, Long Black, Cappuccino.
Fine slice of Chocolate Banana.


Definitely more palatable writes to come!

Forever hungry, Alanis xx.

Sunday, 20 September 2015

Jupiter Ascending | Q&A

What's up fellow peeps! The sci-fi film 'Jupiter Ascending' just aired on my television, my eyeballs went for it & it turned out to be a movie I don't like, but love. Meanwhile, I have this fresh idea of beginning a new blogging series of Q&A! So I thought, why not get it started with this adventure film as a cool tryout? Read on! #spoileralert

Starring Channing Tatum & Mila Kunis.

1. Who's your favourite character?
Caine Wise! Not trying to settle in the ordinary go-for-the-hot-guy vote (if so I would had went for Balem), but his personality truly caught my eye. Partially my type of guy, but not as open-hearted as I wished for.

2. If you get to pick a category to be in, what would it be?
Definitely a Splice. Yup they are genomgineered humans designed to serve specific purposes & functions, but I don't look at how they are drafted to be someone. Instead I melt into their abilities & strength to match my true inner identity. With high endurance, brawn & intelligent, these traits are what I aim to live with being the werewolf I dream to howl. (A dog, really?)


3. Which planet would you prefer to call home?
Cerise, homeworld of Kalique Abrasax. Probably because of the atmosphere which is very similar to LOTR's Rivendell. I enjoy the rushing sound of the waterfall & its mountain-ish view, a peaceful-looking place I could run around breathing fresh flowers.

4. Favourite quote from the movie?
"I create life and I destroy it. Life is an act of consumption. To live is to consume." - Balem.

5. Do you agree that time is the most precious thing wanted by alive creatures like us?
To me, time is gold yet not something I would die for once my time is up. It's a process of life, humans live by their choices & plot twists. There will never be regrets as without our doings of the past despite right or wrong, we wouldn't be who we are today. Let nature set its alarm clock & we obey our rules of existence, shall we?


Want to top up more questions? Leave them at the comment box below & I'll update the post as frequent as I can. Hope you enjoyed this episode of Q&A, also let me know if you'd love to read more stuff like this!

Have a splendid week, Alanis xx.