Valentine's Alone

Waking up to the freezing air

Not spotting any teddy bear

Into the blurry light I stare

Valentine's Day is awful, I swear

Shots of love Instagram was filled

Without difference, Twitter too was killed

Turning my head to the right, I looked

Even my plushie had such a day booked

After all the cringing scenes

I decided to head out to sightsee the greens

Not expecting to see a couple of two

Kissing each other that gave me the flu

Headed back inside to watch a movie

Well, The Notebook definitely made me moody

The kitchen I go to make myself lunch

Heart-shaped cereals didn't help, I boringly munch

A snap of fingers, I see the moon

The night's here yet I hold no balloon

Devastating, ain't it? February 14

Singles out there, at least we're all clean!

Yup, that's me.

- Inspired by how society gives a hard time to the singles out there during every February 14. -

Lost in Fire

Waking up by the whiff of smoke

First sight's orange blaze with no sign of joke

A blink of an eye, I laid on bed awoke

Surrounded with white, my life seemed revoked

Lost both my guardians, I grew into stray

Playing with street pups's my lonely parfait

Lazy I'm not, as I toil in a cafe

Understanding one day, my luck may decay

Sometimes I wonder who I truly am

Bullied since five but failed to throw a damn

Tears often present, finding my life a sham

Soul possessedly riding on a downhill tram

One luckless day I met this tall guy

Tempted me with candy, hidden his sly

Tagging along to the alley nearby

A terrifying affair occurred, impossible to defy

Today I lie on the sidewalk as a trier

Head stuffed with thoughts & feelings so dire

Expecting death soon, covered with pyre

All I'll remember are the ones I lost in fire.

Aflame thoughts.

- Inspired by the boldness of living fire, its aliveness that's able to thieve true love.
  Here's my first narrative poem! What a fate the persona owns. -

The Fox Among The Wolves

I'm a fox among the wolves
Coated in brown instead of bold grey
Obvious stand-out, but not in a fine way
"Be gone, you don't belong here", others say

I'm a fox among the wolves
Praised for bravery not, but my sneaky spot
To unravel misthoughts, I whole heartedly fought
But still others code me as a lazy donut

I'm a fox among the wolves
While the rest hunt, they said I steal food
Little others know, pry in pack's not my mood
Because solo's my flair, independence or I'm skewed

I'm a fox among the wolves
Surrounded by claws, harshly played are my days
I promise soon enough, you'll witness a mockingjay
Roaring for justice, naming my quote 'hooray'

I'm a fox among the wolves
Difference's ain't gravity but motivating stone
Distinctive colour brings out my inner hone
Yes, here I am, the fox who owns the throne.

That flawless stare.

- Inspired by my deep affection for foxes. -

Cfn 2015

Here's a scene of the event's BOD.

Qianrou - 4 years Cfn buddy. <3

I actually don't know what to start off with. To be honest, satisfaction isn't even included in it.


Screw the plot I'm not even in the mood to list out the stuff I went through in details, but it was a heck of awfully grey clouds I once threw in my letter of departure just to not let myself collide into that sight again. Imagine something I would die just so I wouldn't need to witness it happen in front of my empty eyes again. And it's heart-tearing to say this, but yes, it's happening again. The crap I used to cry in bed every single night as I didn't stand a chance to be in control of things, it's reliving history with a whole new level.

Now it sucks even more as my blog can't act as my smoke vent anymore as it's invaded with humans who shouldn't be knowing all the shit that's mashing up my life. Obvious enough, I'm not really in a role where I could explode whenever I feel like to or wherever I want to. My depression set to drain my thoughts in the morning hours only worsen things at the most incorrect time. It sawed me open in gory when the person whom stands on the fitting capability that offered real help became the main source of this repeating tornado. Admitting my current vulnerability, I cried nights & currently do so as I don't see a math equation that's able to fix this soul-fracturing drawback.

What's so dolorous that made words unfindable to express my unseeable tears? How can I even unleash the truth when the people around me also play a character of cause? How can I explain my dignity shattered into fine sand, mental persistence no longer hanging on the edgy cliff when there's not even one there with all ears in? Maybe I really am so odious I shouldn't be surprised seeing no shadows nearby to listen, maybe I'm just an idiot suffering with severe depression who can't face the mirror to obtain real help & instead lie dead on my desk every single day, smile so I could inspire people who look up to me, laugh like Mad Hatter so people think I'm okay. The strong cover I used to hold with feeble grips will soon be blustered off by the hurricane of realisation, it only matters on time.

To the man whom I once believed you could lend me an opaque helping grasp, I thought you knew what it feels like being in my shoes. I thought you knew how painful it is to witness out-of-control happenings slapping your face repeatedly with no mercy. Yet you're throwing such a scene straight into my eyes, like reflecting sunlight directly onto a Vampire's face. I don't what else to say, but thanks for breaking me till the point I am today. I probably seem as if I don't need support as I appear to have this lionheart-cover on me with my boycut & stained army tag, but you're furiously hitting the wrong keys this time. Overpolishing the sensitivity of another person for the reason she's not as strong as me only ships things closer to the iceberg of Titanic.

I'm sorry for being such a weakling, if that's what you crave to hear.

Japanese Cuisine Favourites

Morning everyone!

As a teen who loves eating & exploring real food, I had tasted lots of different cuisines from all over the world. I wouldn't say I own a favourite one as each cuisine has their own uniqueness in spices and techniques I love, like French has their Bouquet Garni while Chinese uses soy sauce as their main seasoning. Today, I choose to talk about Japanese Cuisine & my favourite creations of this cuisine.


1.  Chirashi Don

If you're a HUGE fan of Sashimi, this is a must to try! Thickly sliced Sashimi generously topped on a bowl of sakura-seasoned Japanese rice. Mmmmm speechless. It's just too beautiful for my eyes & tastebuds I got to appreciate every bite. So shut up & don't talk to me, let me eat. The one I love best is from Tokyo Grill and Sushi in Grand Rapids, MI.

2.  Sukiyaki 

 Ah, a bunch of fresh greens, mushrooms, tofu & glass noodles soaked in a sweet-salty base. Don't forget the beef on the side! Let it swim in the egg dip then gently place it into the hot pot for a few seconds for heat to do its thing. When it's done, dive in and oh, you flew to heaven for a moment there. It's just amazing. 

3. Chasuke

Simple but warmly comforting, Chasuke is Japanese dish made by pouring green tea or dashi over perfectly cooked rice topped with savoury toppings such as salmon flakes, nori & roasted sesame seeds. In my country, I have not found a restaurant that serves this traditional creation, but my family often have this at home as it's easy to make. I usually top mine with dried ume, wasabi-flavoured sesame seeds, nori & bonito flakes. Itadakimasu!

4.  Tamagoyaki

If you're thinking "What? Tamagoyaki? What's so special about grilled eggs?" Then you're plain wrong. People don't know that this famous Japanese creation takes YEARS for a chef to perfect, as what Sushi Master Jiro Ono said. His style of making tamagoyaki is different. He doesn't roll it, instead he flips the whole japanese omelette in a squared pan. Yup, it's as tough as it sounds, but a bite of such beautiful food would melt your heart with its soft sweetness & balanced texture. If you have the cash, book a table at Sukiyabashi Jiro now! You can thank me by booking me a seat then picking up my tab. 

5.  Tonkatsu Ramen 

Not just any ramen, but Menya Musashi's Tonkatsu Ramen! It's creamy, boldy flavoured with pork bones base gifts you a flight to Tokyo. I remember my first time trying this, my tastebud got stoned for a second as I had never had such a mouthwatering ramen in my life. Plus it's authentic! Sadly I only get to eat this once in a few months as I'm currently broke. Well, at least I took a photo with its Master Chef Yamaguchi! Welp where's the photo...

6.  Taiyaki

Yes, this famous Japanese treat shows that I'm an Azuki lover. This fish-shaped cake stuffed with sweet Azuki red bean paste was a part of my childhood. I recall the kid-sized me saving up coins just to get a piece of Taiyaki from an authentic Japanese store. Well, I would say these are worth spending for! Taiyaki are also filled with other common fillings such as chocolate, sweet potato and custard, but it's original version won my heart. 

So here you go, these are my Japanese Cuisine favourites! Now you know what to treat me if you bring me to a Japanese restaurant (or Japan). If you haven't try these delicacies, what are you waiting for? Hit your nearby Japanese restaurant and satisfy your tastebuds! Don't forget to thank me with a treat aites.

Have a good day, and I'll see you then!

さようなら, Alanis xx.

The Boy Who Changed

It all began two years ago. Nothing much, our first glance of each other in school. It's astounding that we only met after three years being in the same environment. But our meet was a mistake I should had known at the start.

The actual stare was in January 11, 2014, where we share the same band in some club I'm pretty active in. I was the assistant head of the band, which means I'm sort of his 'senior' although he's a year older than me. During ice-breaking session, he was sort of the only person responding to questions, I guess that's when I situate more awareness on him than the others. Without regards, we started chatting online almost every day. He would began it with questions concerning the club, then slowly drifting away to unrelating contents that kept the conversation going. To be frank, I was comfortable with this happening, as I felt being mildly cherished in a way I was never before. Our talks were arbitrary, which is something I looked forward to after coming back from boring school.

Months passed, our chats never came to a halt. Our relationship became distinct, but without the terms of love. I would say a guy best friend of mine. We shared our life happenings, glee, hatred, everything exactly. I was temporarily out of solitude, surprising I know. The indelible chapter was during the night of a camp in a forest. We lay supine on cold beige ground, head to head, enjoying the beauty of dense midnight blue and glowing stars. It was a phenomenon not everyone could live, a memory I could never forget.

But I was drowning in oblivion.

Weeks later, we skyped about random thoughts again. Out of the blue, he created an epiphany. He first asked me for a favour, I agreed. He then unveil words I never hope to hear.

He fell in love with a close friend of mine.

I stunned like rock, not knowing what to feel. Lucky that we weren't skyping through video. Momentarily shutting down my feelings, I congratulated him with emojis and suggested ways for his success to chase his girl of dreams. Minutes later I ended the call, breaking down forthwith on my pillow. I suddenly realise I was crushing on him all the while. Our bond was so ephemeral I didn't know how to drag it to an end.

Soon, his relationship with the girl he love shattered into bits without a single doubt from the spectators. It was kind of presumed from their different types of traits that hardly click.  Me on the other hand was crippled, vanquished. I found out he treated other girls like how he treated me. To be more specific, he was basically flirting to every other girl I know. I attempted to let it go, but it couldn't break free unless I spit the truth. And I did after a deep breath during our last friendly chat. It certainly didn't went well, but my gloom soon freed itself into the past. Hooray?

Time pass while I observe the change of our lives. Soon I thanked myself for not crushing too hard on him. He isn't the guy I thought he is. He took a turn after his graduation. Changed his looks from smart to trashy. I don't know. I sort of taste grief of not understanding him utterly before I lay my crush, but also because I don't want him to change. I want him to stay as that boy who's neat, astute, kind. Maybe he doesn't know he once owned these qualities, but he truly did, at least in people's eyes. To be honest, I experienced a dash of relief and joy too as I'm completely over him.

To the boy who changed: If you're reading this, pause and refresh your mind. You're driving on the wrong side of the road, and it's not too late to make a U-turn. Change not for me or the people around you, but yourself. Please.

Dying for a Man's Best Friend

I know I'm extraordinary in a way, but it's weird. My whole life I dream to have a man's best friend. A pup, a dog, or even a cat. It's a creature I would die to have as I was always that left out guy, that isolated friend at the front of the class while everyone hides at the back. Worse is I thought I was over with it, but currently my frequency of feelings just went wildfire, for reasons I don't even know.

It sounds like crap but I really feel like I own no friend in a universe I don't mean to belong. Of course I have friends, but to be honest, everyone knows that most friends are just 'surface friends' that look cool on the outside, but rarely had a conversation with. Well I myself don't give a damn about surface friends 'cause why? Why waste your caring soul to look cool & popular on the outside? I seriously don't get why, and I rather own a soul partner that both sides care & love each another.

Head bump!

Yes it's random I started on this crazy topic, but I couldn't stand it any longer. Many friends of mine may not know this, but I was "gifted" a true hatred for gossips & stupid chats. If hate's not the word, then tired it is. Because these awful chats bring me to nowhere but pointless enthusiasm & sometimes anxiety. Plus it doesn't benefit anyone, so why should I join? But don't get me wrong, of course I would lend an ear if it was from someone who really matters, someone who's worth my listen (my bff's an excellent example). Back to the ones who gossip everyday in class, is that what your life's full of? I don't mind telling you, it annoys me every single day, and I don't join them since I woke up from being an underdog or some sidekick, officially done being one.

My family never understood why I wanted a pup so much, that much till I can look at dogs through their viewing panels in pet shops for an hour; that much till I could risk myself & try to bond with growling street dogs. Because to me, it's something I needed the most. I lack sociality, an output to express myself, self-love & stability. I don't ask for much but just a man's best friend, you're telling me that's too much? They think I just want one to play with it whenever I feel like to, and then dump it back to the cage when I don't have time for it, which is one of the things I couldn't stand when pet owners do that. Even worse, pointing fingers at me predicting that I would do that to a dog? It's hurtful as heck, ain't am I already hurt enough?

Soldier companions are the warmest ones.

Still, at the end, I believe no one is going to get this. My love for animals is that enormous & my need for it ain't a millimetre tinier than it either. Guess I gotta wait till I have my own house when I'm bigger. Though I doubt that I can even touch that stage of life.

Summer, the Husky

A day I would say sunny
I met a little Husky
He acted cute and funny
In a blink, we became buddies

I named him little Summer
It was when I met this hugger
No matter how cold was winter
He never fails to make me warmer

Who cares I own no friend
But a companion that allows a two-man-band
Summer rarely hides in his den
Whatever I do, he's my biggest fan

"Hey Summer, let's go out to play!"
The line I excitedly say everyday
I wonder why they couldn't see us bray
My parents say he's just my imaginative stray

Summer, Summer, please don't leave me soon
You kept me sane like Earth and Moon
Without you, my heart would lose its glee
So get me a husky, Summer it shall be.

Summer in the Autumn.

 - Inspired by my dream of having Summer -

Start of Music

“I realize now that dying is easy. Living is hard.” 

Some of you should be familiar with this quote. It's from a book "If I Stay" by Gayle Forman. I haven't read the book yet, but its film was one of my favourite movies. Inspiring & life-reviving, Also reminds me of the start of my early music life. Contrary to Mia's though.

Parents want their kids to learn music because you know, musical kids are better in studies, blablabla and so on. Piano was the path my parents chose for me. I started learning when I was 5. As a kid I enjoyed it a lot, playing 'Do Re Mi' while reading those colourful scores filled with cute pictures. Beethoven Bear & Mozart Mouse was a part of my childhood. But soon I could feel it wasn't as enjoying as I thought. My parents want me to take ABRSM examinations so I could level up & be better. It's cool you know, improving your skills and all, but it felt wrong. Only allowed to play my examination songs & scales. I was forced to practice & practice for hours. 

It was lucky that I had guts as a kid. I told my parents about how I felt about the exams & told them to take it easy on me. But my piano class fees weren't cheap, so my parents can't afford to let me waste time playing songs I want. It soon became torture to me. I often cried on the way to piano class, screaming excuses to skip classes as I was never good enough for my teacher. I tried to not touch the piano whenever I can. Something I used to love became something I hate awfully. Life suck during that period of time, everything seemed to be falling apart.

Please Mia, don't make me write a song.

As predicted, in 2011, my parents stopped my piano classes as they don't want to force me doing something I hate. I felt like I could breathe again, being able to stop playing exam pieces.  At first I always distanced myself from the piano, then I started to cover pop songs we hear everyday on the radio. Play-by-ear is a talent I was born with, so covering songs are a piece of cake to me. I started a Youtube channel with my piano covers uploaded there. Things started to get better, smiles started to appear on me more.

Two years later, I'd decided to go back to piano classes to continue where I left off.  I'm going for ABRSM Grade 8 next, but this time I made a deal, saying that I'll enjoy the journey playing songs I want & also practicing for my upcoming exam. Till now, everything was going smoother than ever. My Youtube career's cool, 245 subs & growing fast, and my Grade 8 exam's in April 2015. 

In the end, I would say mistakes are made for a reason. Without stopping classes, I wouldn't find out what I could do with my play-by-ear talent. I wouldn't had started a Youtube channel, I wouldn't enjoy music the way I do now. I'm glad I never gave up on what my parents had chose for me & instead choose my dream instrument, which was the violin. Still, I'm getting one as soon as I pass my Grade 8 as it's the instrument I would die to master. You won't believe this but yup I learnt how I play the violin in 3 hours. 

Someday I'll be playing it like how Mia plays her Cello, throwing myself into the violin, playing my soul in the wild. Dreams.

Dreams Upon The Sky

When I was a kid, I used to think that stars are dreams floating above the skies. When a dream is achieved, a star blinks & disappears. I don't know where I got this idea about stars, but it was in my head all the time.

Hey there! The name's Alanis, 16 & screwing up my first blog with my weird attraction to stars. Yup I love stars, cuz they are the ones who kept me company when I was a kid. Every night I couldn't sleep, I would look out the window, amaze my eyes with the millions of stars that covered the deep dark sky. For some reason I feel inspired by their uniqueness, it makes me feel less alone.

Not what you expected, I'm just a tiny insecure kid hiding in the shadows, kinda living in my own world, trying to work things out myself. Ain't that popular kid or that smart ass who aces every test, but just that lone kid. But somehow I'm pretty cool with things I'm good at. Music, drawing, stuff like that, and that makes me not that "hidden" after all. Interesting personality, I would say.

So why I started a blog? Was finding a place to hammer down my feelings that are hard to be said, also a place to jot down interesting chapters about my life. Well I hope it'll be an amazing journey, also hoping to get different opinions from you guys out there. A warm new beginning to me. :)

"There is no shortage of fault to be found amid our stars." - John Green